Category: Re-Entry

Vision Board 2023


Vision Board 101 – 2D

One of the traditions we’ve created at home is to create a vision board for the New Year. The basic starting point is a piece of cardboard. Yea, this is old school vision. boarding. And for this upcoming year, I present 2023.

I won’t expound on this. I simply share it with the Universe.

101 Resolutions for 2023

Vision Board 201 – An Infographic

The last couple of years, I’ve taken things to the next level in terms of a Personal Vision for the year.

Last year I chose 5 words for my year. They were “Be, Feel, Create, Learn, Grow.”

I had a flyer on my studio door and in my studio.

This year, I lifted the constraint and came up with my words for the year. They apply across all parts of me as a human being, a small business owner, an artist, an activist. It’s wholistic motivation for person-centric, trauma-informed living. That and $5 will get you a cup of coffee.

This year, I created an infographic. It will go on my studio door and in my studio.

Fancy.

Worth. Joy.

Having said that, my keyword for the year is Worth and my Why is Joy.

I created this infographic to motivate the troops (aka voices in my head) and keep my lean organization of one aligned.

Focus

My community focus continues to be on reducing stigma through my artivism. This includes my efforts linked to Celebrate UU, HIV Modernization Movement – Indiana, and community health, especially HIV & mental health. I’ll continue to blog here and through Professor Peacock.

For my business focus, I continue to use a 70/20/10 model to set priorities for the year. My keyword of Worth translates into focusing back on running a profitable business – something from which I stepped away the last 2 years due to my mental health & a subsequent artistic sabbatical…and a slowing coming back-tical.

Here we are, a new year with a Profit First mindset. Yes, I’ll read that book this year. Q1 even. Goal set.

My main studio focus with C Todd Creations this year will be headshots, although I’ll continue to freelance & do event photography when requested. I’ll also grow my speciality studio for dudeoir photography over at C Todd Dudeoir.

Thanks for listening.

Keep tellin’ the story,

Professor Peacock III

Why 988 hotline matters


December 21 will always hold special significance for me.

As much as I try not to think about it, every year it creeps up on me. Some years, it has taken me to dark places. Some years, I’ve been able to see the growth.

This is one of those years where I’ve gained a new perspective on the night of December 21, 2009.

I’ve shared my story before. December 21, 2009 is the day I entered long-term recovery.

A lot’s happenened since then!

What’s changed?

This year, a new federal hotline service went into effect in Indiana. It’s called 988, as a phone call or a text.

“…Every person in every community nationwide can dial “988” to reach trained crisis counselors who can help in a mental health, substance use or suicide crisis.

988 is the first step in reimagining our crisis response, but there’s more work to do to ensure everyone receives the help they need — and deserve — in a crisis.” ~ NAMI

National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), 988: Reimagining Crisis Response

988 vs 911

With the new service, I reimagined by own crisis situation back in 2009. What if I had been able to call 988 instead of 911?

Chances are they wouldn’t have sent the police, because I had called in an overdose and failed suicide attempt. What I needed was help. What I got was help – and an arrest 90 days later, just as I was just finishing my extended treatment at Fairbanks. With that arrest, my 19-year corporate career ended in me being fired. I lost my house. I was awarded and lost a plea bargain that could have reduced the charges to a misdemeanor. But early recovery was difficult messy and I failed a required drug test. Until recently, I had two felony charges on my record stemming back to that phone call.

I don’t sit in this awareness and wallow in self-pity. I’m glad with where my life is today. I’ve since been able to expunge my felony arrest record, which means I don’t have any more barriers to getting housing or employment. I can’t travel to Canada though – or at least I don’t think I can based on what I’ve read.

In general and thankfully, I’ve been able to land on my feet. I am self-employed, thriving as an artist and photographer, and have stable housing & transportation.

Even though I’ve suffered great losses and pain, I’m grateful to be thriving in my 50’s as an artist.

But it does demonstrate why this new 988 matters. How many lives can be salvaged, not torn apart by piling legal consequences on top of someone in crisis?

That could have been me…

It’s like the joke about what happens when you play a country & western song backwards?

You get your spouse back, your job back, you stop drinking.

Quite literally, I could have gotten the help to stop my using WITHOUT an arrest. In the long term of recovery, that would have been pretty useful.

Call or Text 988 if in crisis

So next time you or someone you know is in crisis, consider calling or texting 988 instead of involving the police via 911.

More about 988: NAMI’s Committment

NAMI is committed to advancing efforts to reimagine crisis response in our country. We believe that every person in crisis, and their families, should receive a humane response that treats them with dignity and connects them to appropriate and timely care. NAMI is calling for a standard of care for crisis services in every community that includes — 24/7 call centers that answer 988 calls locally, mobile crisis teams and crisis stabilization programs — that end the revolving door of ER visits, arrests, incarceration and homelessness.

NAMI Website

Keep tellin’ the story,
Thanks for listening

Professor Peacock III

Why does 988 matter?
Why does 988 matter? Reflections on 13 years in long-term recovery.

The shortest day to recovery


Today I’m grateful for life itself, for this day – the shortest day of the year. 12 years ago today, I was going to end my life because of the deep shame I felt at my core for who I was. Decades of societal and religious messaging that being gay is an abomination, a sin, a brokenness that needed to be healed. I also realize now I had some deep unresolved trauma from my adolescent and young adult years.

In 1990, I moved to Indy for a job at Lilly after graduating from University of Michigan. I was largely closeted at first, living in fear of being found out. I ran from myself, pouring my energy into my career. I sold my soul to the devil of money, status, material wealth. I did well for the most part – but sacrificed intimacy, community and connection for the corporate ladder. Eventually the strain of living a compartmentalized existence caught up with me.

At 33, I started using drugs because the alcohol was no longer sufficient to numb the pain. Over the course of the 8 years, I became addicted to crystal meth. In the last year or two, I was using every day – sometimes even smoking at work on breaks in the restroom. I was a functional meth addict until I could function no more. I had become irritable and aggressive at work, stemming from my using, lack of sleep and depression.

On December 21, 2009, I decided to take enough meth to burst my heart by sticking a large quantity up my butt. Whether or not that would have worked is immaterial. In my mind, I wanted to die.

In a moment of clarity, I decided that wasn’t the answer. I knew I wanted help, but all attempts in the past had failed. I called 911 and reported a failed suicide by lethal ingestion of meth. I wanted to put into motion a plan that I couldn’t stop. I also called my pastor Mike Mather who brought a small contingent of reinforcements to be there with me. They met me at Greenfield ER and took me to Fairbanks for treatment. That act of presence is one I’ll never forget.

It would be another 8 years before I finally put the pipe down in 2018. In those 8 years, I wrestled with my demons. I also went through a series of losses. I was fired from my 19 year career at Lilly in 2010 because I was arrested based on what the police found that night I called 911. I blew a plea bargain and ended up with two felonies on my record in 2011. I was diagnosed with HIV In 2012. I lost my mom to a heart attack stemming from her untreated alcoholism in 2013. I was sexually assaulted once and robbed twice in 2014.

Looking back, that’s when I started rebuilding my life. Therapy has helped me deal with the shame and trauma, the isolation, the inability to feel anything other than loss and shame. I reconnected with my photography, and have fully embraced the artist and artivist in me.

In these past 12-18 months, I have found the three most important things I was missing: identity, purpose and connection.

Today I remember my roommate from Fairbanks who died from this disease. I remember my friend Graham Karwath who died from this disease. I know too many gay men who are addicted to meth. We don’t talk about it. We offer them black and white solutions that push them away. I was judged and ostracized when I relapsed. But I was also shown love, compassion, and grace.

If you or someone you know is struggling, tell them to hold on. Tell them you love them. Love them without condition or strings or expectations. Love them where they are at.

There is hope. There is healing. Find your way.

I’m here if you want to talk.

Thanks for listening.

Keep telling the story

Signed ever faithfully,

The Right Reverend Lord C Todd Peacock III