111Cakery feeling the heat…and it’s not from their own ovens!


So Friday was a big day in Indianapolis, for me at least.  I continued with my weekly protest of a local bakery’s anti-gay business policies and felt some “heat” for the first time…so I think our message is hitting home for 111Cakery!  I also made some close connections in our community. And, Cher brought her “Dressed to Kill Tour to the Crossroads of America.  And, what an amazing performance!

Each week during my “personal Lenten journey”, I’ve experimented a little with my message or the delivery.  It’s brought varied results for sure, and kept things interesting.  So, at least I know folks are paying attention!

Honk 2 boycott 111Cakery

In prior weeks, I kept mainly to the corners of 16th and Delaware or 16th and Meridian, to get the message out to as much traffic as possible.   I also honed which signs were most effective, and as positive as possible (see last week’s lesson…)

These two are my favorite…with the “Honk” sign drawing the most reaction from passers-by.  I particularly love when walkers or bikers simply yell out “honk, honk…”

 

 

 

This week, I moved closer to the actual bakery.  Since the owners are “sticking to their guns” with their anti-gay business policy, I wanted to make sure in my last weeks of protest that the owners heard the honking horns of cars driving by, showing support of a boycott of 111Cakery.  As I’ve shared dozens of times over the past weeks, “Yes, they [111Cakery] have a legal right [today] to turn down business.  And, all I want to do is get the word out, so that if people want to take their business elsewhere, we can.”  

A video journalist came out this week to interview me as well, wanting to contribute to the existing online stories about 111Cakery’s business policies (see The Huffington Post and this somewhat charged Vlog on YouTube.) He stopped in the bakery to ask the owners if they were willing to be interviewed.  They declined.

Well, I believe Randy and Trish felt the heat of the honking cars, and the possibility of more national attention. We were joined by Tim, a “friend” of the bakery.  He came out of the shop over to where we were standing, and asked why I was boycotting .  When I told him, “because the owners refused to make a cake for a same-sex couple’s committment ceremony,” he actually cut me off and told me that was not what happened.  Really!?!  I think he should refer back to the original Fox59 story and get his facts correct!  When I spoke with Randy, that’s exactly what he confirmed as well…it was their business policy, and they are sticking to it.

Tim then told me that me being out there “week on week like this” was akin to bullying, because I  wanted to “inflict damage” on the owner.  Interesting argument…ok, it’s not interesting.  It’s weak and far-fetched.  This has been a peaceful demonstration.

I will admit this peaceful demonstration has been about impacting the bottom line of a small business owner, who today is legally able to discriminate based on sexual orientation.  [Note that I believe it would be illegal to explicitly refuse to serve someone solely based on their race, gender, religion, or national origin – for example.]  So, yes, if Randy and Trish want to continue turning down business in these situations, then I’m just as interested in turning away business in the first place…particularly in this gay-friendly neighborhood.  And, if in doing so, 111Cakery suffers “damage” to their bottom line, that is not “bullying” — it’s simply supply and demand.  A business lives and dies by its sales and marketing…and we are now clear on how 111Cakery positions itself in this marketplace.

Maybe 111Cakery will learn, like Chik-fil-A’s CEO finally admitted, that it’s better business to focus on making great cakes and leave it to politicians and others to discuss social issues.”  It was a tough lesson for Chil-fil-A, but they probably won’t go under as a result of learning this lesson in the marketplace.  It has to be tougher for a small businesses…who knows if 111Cakery will be around in a year.

But I’ve learned a helpful strategy..picket closer to the source! And picket repeatedly. I think they’re feeling the heat a little…and I don’t think it’s from their own ovens!

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On a more positive note,  I was joined by a young woman, Erin, who brought her own homemade sign.  She is a graduate of Heron High School, and works in the culture labs of Eli Lilly.  I also have a good friend who works in the biology labs here in Indy…and it turns out Erin works in Sandy’s lab!  Small world!

I met Sandy back in the early 90’s at Lilly through the LEGAL group (Lilly Employees, Gay and Lesbian).  She was instrumental in my coming out in the early 90’s.  I still remember her giving me a copy of the Flirtations CD.  Whenever I hear “Everything Possible,” I remember my big sister” Sandy…and her love and support during those early years at Lilly!

I love when the universe delivers connections like this…reminding me that Everything IS possible…  And you haven’t seen the last of me yet!

Honks, java and conversation…an update on my Lenten protest


So today was the third week of protesting 111Cakery’s decision to turn down a same-sex couple’s business. The bakery refused to make a cake for the couple’s wedding celebration because doing so goes against the owners’ religious beliefs.

I stopped in to chat with the owners beforehand, as we had missed each other last week.  I wanted to hear about their decision to pull their Facebook page, and have a conversation about how things were going.  The human side of my protest…

Randy shared with me that there were too many hateful, harsh comments on the page, from both sides of the debate.  He just decided it wasn’t worth leaving the page up, though he originally had done so to allow people to share their opinions.  He commented that there have been only two people to come in and talk with him who opposed their actions – me and a guy named Mike, who joined me for last week’s protest.  Everything else against the bakery has been via social media, etc.

Randy continues to be surprised by the reaction from the gay community and our allies.  He didn’t realize their decision would have such a “personal impact” on so many people.  He referred back to our first conversation, indicating that I helped him understand how this might “land” on a LGBT person…that even though their intention was not to “judge or reject” someone because of their homosexuality, he could now understand how it might be received.  Having said that, when I asked him if they had reconsidered their policy or how they might go about dealing with a similar request, he indicated they would make the same choice (though, as he says, the chances of getting another request with all the publicity is pretty slim!)  He continues to believe they are doing the right thing, consistent with their religious beliefs.  He and his wife just can’t condone, nor can she be “artistically inspired” to create a cake that “celebrates a gay marriage,” which they believe is sinful.  I did point out that there is nothing in the Ten Commandments or any of Jesus’ teachings that would indicate that homosexuality is sinful — that’s all old Testament based.  And, as he knows, other issues of social justice and civil rights have been “justified” based on religious dogma…yet I doubt he would use the Bible to refuse to make a cake that “celebrated” a black couple’s marriage, because our society has (largely) grown past such an act of racial discrimination (at least from a legal point of view!) But that point fell again on deaf ears…at least for now.  God can change hearts with seeds that we plant…who knows!

I did ask him if he would make a cake for a Jewish or Muslim’s couple’s wedding.  He responded that he hadn’t really thought of that…but perhaps they “would just stop making wedding cakes all together.”  Interesting.

I then asked him, what would they do if laws were changed, and gay marriage was actually considered legal – either at the State level, with some of the lawsuits against the State of Indiana, or by the US Supreme Court.  He sidestepped the question, but did acknowledge that it’s just a matter of time before such a change comes about.

At the end of the day, it’s clear the situation has caused them to prayerfully consider their beliefs and actions.  Randy indicated there are times in life when “significant events” happen like this, which “cause one to challenge and reflect on long-held beliefs.” Though, in this case, they’ve stayed true to their beliefs that gay marriage goes against God’s design for humanity. I understand where he is coming from.  From my experience, I shared with him that the only event that might change he and his wife’s beliefs would be if one of their own children came out of the closet.  I know in my case, that’s caused my mom to reconsider her views on homosexuality from a Christian perspective.

 

So moving on to the protest, I kept with my more neutral, “kinder and gentler” signs, having learned my own lessons about love and compassion and consistencyI mainly used the “Honk 2 Boycott 111Cakery” signs…and continued to get a lot of honks.  I’d guess about 30-40% of the cars that passed by honked.  For me, that was rewarding.

I also had a first…that REALLY touched me!  A car pulled up heading East on 16th and stopped at the light with their window down…and handed me a large café mocha and dessert cake from Starbucks!  

A drive by "thank you" from today's protest!
A drive by “thank you” from today’s protest!

The passenger said, “this is a gift for you…”  And they wrote “Thank you! on the side of the cup!  It was particularly timely because the weather was a bit chilly…so the warm coffee hit the spot!

So, thank you to Universe for all the honks of support…and for my anonymous supporter who went out of their way to bring me a warm drink and sweet!

See y’all next week – Friday, 3-6pm, on 16th between Delaware and Meridian.

 

 

 

A lesson in humility…and in being consistent. Got it…


As I gear up to hit the streets again tomorrow in protest of the local bakery, I wanted to write about some challenging “online chatter” I received after the last Friday we were out picketing.  It was a lesson in humility, practicing what you preach and being consistent.

As I was getting ready last time, I knew I’d have some extra folks joining us – so I made some more signs.  I also saw a friend’s re-rendering of the bakery’s logo, from “111Cakery” to “111Hatery.”  I thought it was catchy, and decided to use it in some of the new posters.  I created a couple new phrases on the fly, and they were “influenced” by this logo remake.

Straying from my own intentions...a gentle lesson in compassion.
Straying from my own intentions…a gentle lesson in compassion.

And that’s where I honestly strayed from my own wishes to keep this “peaceful, compassionate and considerate.”  Gulp…eating humble pie.

Since this was the second week, news about the bakery’s actions had spread a little more with time and some press coverage.  There were clearly more folks on the road who knew the situation, and many chose to show support by honking.  I also had three guys join me which was AWESOME – it made the time past faster and helped show even more “presence.” (Thanks Ryan, JB and Mike!)

When I shared some pictures from the day on Facebook, two friends gently pushed back a little at the “hate” language I was using.  And I have to admit…they were right in doing so.

How does doing something like this make us any better or more right than they are? We don’t like it when they do this to us and yet we are the first ones to turn it around. Just asking?

It seems name calling and stooping to “their” level. I respect what you are doing, don’t get me wrong. I just don’t care for the wording on the posters.

There’s a fine line I guess between having fun, being “catchy”…and falling into the trap of “not being nice.”  Heck, in my OWN “rules for picketing peacefully and lawfully” I had asked people to:

5. When in doubt take the higher ground.
6. Be kind – do not yell anything that would make your grandmother blush
7. Have fun – this is America, and we are all human beings. We are not the enemy, nor is anyone else. Keep it civil

So, I’m here to say that I’m human…I’m surrounded by people who care enough about this being a “peaceful and civil” stand…and I strayed from where I had wanted this to be.

Side note: I’m REALLY truing to avoid words like right and wrong, good or bad…in the spirit of non-violent (or compassionate) communication.  I don’t want any of this to sound judgmental… either of the “logo spoof” or of my own efforts.   I simply want to compare MY actions to MY intentions and needs…that’s all I have control over.  And when I do…with the help of these friends…there was an inconsistency.

SO – thank you to Jack F. and Mike B. for having the integrity and courage to call me out…I REALLY appreciated it (and said so on Facebook).  But, I just wanted to share my learning here…

Now…enough with the personal flogging!  Back to HAVING FUN and SPIRITUAL GROWTH!

I’ll close with the Universe’s gift to my journey…(funny how things come just when they are needed…).  This video from HoneyMaid is going viral this week…another good reminder!

So with it, I’ll go back to re-making some signs for tomorrow…and I’ll remember NOH8…just PEACE and LOVE.  And where there is hate or negativity…avoid the trap, and turn it into something else…St. Francis had it right in his prayer. 🙂

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BtJeI4Q9nBE