Honks, java and conversation…an update on my Lenten protest


So today was the third week of protesting 111Cakery’s decision to turn down a same-sex couple’s business. The bakery refused to make a cake for the couple’s wedding celebration because doing so goes against the owners’ religious beliefs.

I stopped in to chat with the owners beforehand, as we had missed each other last week.  I wanted to hear about their decision to pull their Facebook page, and have a conversation about how things were going.  The human side of my protest…

Randy shared with me that there were too many hateful, harsh comments on the page, from both sides of the debate.  He just decided it wasn’t worth leaving the page up, though he originally had done so to allow people to share their opinions.  He commented that there have been only two people to come in and talk with him who opposed their actions – me and a guy named Mike, who joined me for last week’s protest.  Everything else against the bakery has been via social media, etc.

Randy continues to be surprised by the reaction from the gay community and our allies.  He didn’t realize their decision would have such a “personal impact” on so many people.  He referred back to our first conversation, indicating that I helped him understand how this might “land” on a LGBT person…that even though their intention was not to “judge or reject” someone because of their homosexuality, he could now understand how it might be received.  Having said that, when I asked him if they had reconsidered their policy or how they might go about dealing with a similar request, he indicated they would make the same choice (though, as he says, the chances of getting another request with all the publicity is pretty slim!)  He continues to believe they are doing the right thing, consistent with their religious beliefs.  He and his wife just can’t condone, nor can she be “artistically inspired” to create a cake that “celebrates a gay marriage,” which they believe is sinful.  I did point out that there is nothing in the Ten Commandments or any of Jesus’ teachings that would indicate that homosexuality is sinful — that’s all old Testament based.  And, as he knows, other issues of social justice and civil rights have been “justified” based on religious dogma…yet I doubt he would use the Bible to refuse to make a cake that “celebrated” a black couple’s marriage, because our society has (largely) grown past such an act of racial discrimination (at least from a legal point of view!) But that point fell again on deaf ears…at least for now.  God can change hearts with seeds that we plant…who knows!

I did ask him if he would make a cake for a Jewish or Muslim’s couple’s wedding.  He responded that he hadn’t really thought of that…but perhaps they “would just stop making wedding cakes all together.”  Interesting.

I then asked him, what would they do if laws were changed, and gay marriage was actually considered legal – either at the State level, with some of the lawsuits against the State of Indiana, or by the US Supreme Court.  He sidestepped the question, but did acknowledge that it’s just a matter of time before such a change comes about.

At the end of the day, it’s clear the situation has caused them to prayerfully consider their beliefs and actions.  Randy indicated there are times in life when “significant events” happen like this, which “cause one to challenge and reflect on long-held beliefs.” Though, in this case, they’ve stayed true to their beliefs that gay marriage goes against God’s design for humanity. I understand where he is coming from.  From my experience, I shared with him that the only event that might change he and his wife’s beliefs would be if one of their own children came out of the closet.  I know in my case, that’s caused my mom to reconsider her views on homosexuality from a Christian perspective.

 

So moving on to the protest, I kept with my more neutral, “kinder and gentler” signs, having learned my own lessons about love and compassion and consistencyI mainly used the “Honk 2 Boycott 111Cakery” signs…and continued to get a lot of honks.  I’d guess about 30-40% of the cars that passed by honked.  For me, that was rewarding.

I also had a first…that REALLY touched me!  A car pulled up heading East on 16th and stopped at the light with their window down…and handed me a large café mocha and dessert cake from Starbucks!  

A drive by "thank you" from today's protest!
A drive by “thank you” from today’s protest!

The passenger said, “this is a gift for you…”  And they wrote “Thank you! on the side of the cup!  It was particularly timely because the weather was a bit chilly…so the warm coffee hit the spot!

So, thank you to Universe for all the honks of support…and for my anonymous supporter who went out of their way to bring me a warm drink and sweet!

See y’all next week – Friday, 3-6pm, on 16th between Delaware and Meridian.

 

 

 

A lesson in humility…and in being consistent. Got it…


As I gear up to hit the streets again tomorrow in protest of the local bakery, I wanted to write about some challenging “online chatter” I received after the last Friday we were out picketing.  It was a lesson in humility, practicing what you preach and being consistent.

As I was getting ready last time, I knew I’d have some extra folks joining us – so I made some more signs.  I also saw a friend’s re-rendering of the bakery’s logo, from “111Cakery” to “111Hatery.”  I thought it was catchy, and decided to use it in some of the new posters.  I created a couple new phrases on the fly, and they were “influenced” by this logo remake.

Straying from my own intentions...a gentle lesson in compassion.
Straying from my own intentions…a gentle lesson in compassion.

And that’s where I honestly strayed from my own wishes to keep this “peaceful, compassionate and considerate.”  Gulp…eating humble pie.

Since this was the second week, news about the bakery’s actions had spread a little more with time and some press coverage.  There were clearly more folks on the road who knew the situation, and many chose to show support by honking.  I also had three guys join me which was AWESOME – it made the time past faster and helped show even more “presence.” (Thanks Ryan, JB and Mike!)

When I shared some pictures from the day on Facebook, two friends gently pushed back a little at the “hate” language I was using.  And I have to admit…they were right in doing so.

How does doing something like this make us any better or more right than they are? We don’t like it when they do this to us and yet we are the first ones to turn it around. Just asking?

It seems name calling and stooping to “their” level. I respect what you are doing, don’t get me wrong. I just don’t care for the wording on the posters.

There’s a fine line I guess between having fun, being “catchy”…and falling into the trap of “not being nice.”  Heck, in my OWN “rules for picketing peacefully and lawfully” I had asked people to:

5. When in doubt take the higher ground.
6. Be kind – do not yell anything that would make your grandmother blush
7. Have fun – this is America, and we are all human beings. We are not the enemy, nor is anyone else. Keep it civil

So, I’m here to say that I’m human…I’m surrounded by people who care enough about this being a “peaceful and civil” stand…and I strayed from where I had wanted this to be.

Side note: I’m REALLY truing to avoid words like right and wrong, good or bad…in the spirit of non-violent (or compassionate) communication.  I don’t want any of this to sound judgmental… either of the “logo spoof” or of my own efforts.   I simply want to compare MY actions to MY intentions and needs…that’s all I have control over.  And when I do…with the help of these friends…there was an inconsistency.

SO – thank you to Jack F. and Mike B. for having the integrity and courage to call me out…I REALLY appreciated it (and said so on Facebook).  But, I just wanted to share my learning here…

Now…enough with the personal flogging!  Back to HAVING FUN and SPIRITUAL GROWTH!

I’ll close with the Universe’s gift to my journey…(funny how things come just when they are needed…).  This video from HoneyMaid is going viral this week…another good reminder!

So with it, I’ll go back to re-making some signs for tomorrow…and I’ll remember NOH8…just PEACE and LOVE.  And where there is hate or negativity…avoid the trap, and turn it into something else…St. Francis had it right in his prayer. 🙂

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BtJeI4Q9nBE

 

Have your Cakery and protest it too…and 3 other C’s for Lent


What a difference 24 hours makes…

My week’s plan did not include picketing a cake shop on Friday afternoon. But, this 3 month sabbatical is hopefully about staying open to the moment, living into it fully and seeing what becomes of it. So, some 20 years after my first picketing experience with Dr. Ted and Lois Jungkuntz of the Word of God Community, I found myself compelled for very different reasons to take a personal stand.

This is my story.

And, I’ve already been reminded there are three versions to every story…yours (or in this case, his), mine…and the truth. While this doesn’t (necessarily) mean someone has lied – it does mean that we all see a moment through the lens of our experience, which shapes what’s important to us.

111Cakery - Welcome to our Gay-Borhood.
My story…which did NOT fail to rise in my book. This is one man’s personal Lenten, spiritual journey for 2014…nothing more, nothing less.

So let me first say, for the record, I had no expectations for the day.  I was not “disappointed” to be on my three corners alone. This was one man’s personal call, during Lent, for his own reasons, his own past, his own demons…to stand up and be counted. I had no delusions of grandeur, no agenda, no outcome…other than to be heard.  And in being heard, I think I also did some listening.

So, to Will – the reporter whose version of the story made it sound like I tried to organize a Facebook crowd of protest, which “failed to rise” – as I shared with you, that was NOT my agenda or goal.

This was about my personal spiritual journey as a gay Christian man, to shine light on my own internalized shame and find a little more freedom from bondage during this Lenten season.

But, I understand that doesn’t sell newspapers, so if you needed me as a pawn to rally the troops to action, fine – I’ll let that be your story (or problem, as they say…)

But for this individual, today was about connecting with other human beings, having conversations about difficult topics in a meaningful way, and showing compassion — to myself first, then to others.

In the words of (my friend) Stuart Huff: critical thinking, curiosity and compassion. Thank you for those 3 C’s of comedy and of life. And thank you to my friend Mike Mather for helping me walk today and to continue to learn how to be human.  And to Terry Woods, for having lunch with me an listening.

So, what have I learned?

When my Pastor Mike heard how my Thursday night and Friday morning evolved into a call to action, his singular recommendation was – “go talk with them (the owners) before you show up.”  And I did.  Conversation.

I met two fellow human beings, and had a short conversation where honestly, I listened…and was listened to. We talked about their spiritual journey and beliefs, which through a briefly thought out “policy” landed them in a “social media firestorm.” I shared how, though their intentions may not have been to “judge or reject,” for me, as a gay man, if someone were to refuse to provide a service to me – it would feel like rejection, like judgement.  As I see that “false feeling,” I realize that I’d feel sadness, and anger, and pain.  And, at least for me, I saw in their eyes pain, confusion, anger and sadness over the events of the prior 24 hours.  So, we shared that moment, and as I reflect on it now, I feel (and felt) Compassion.

I honestly believe they listened to me, without an agenda – because they asked me several open ended questions about how I thought things could be handled differently.  And, at the risk of doing that conversation injustice, let me simply say, I saw two people who were curious to learn and understand where I was coming from, as I was likewise curious to listen and learn.  Curiosity.

My moments I treasure…

On the street corners where I spent my 3 hours, as I will for each Friday in Lent this year, I also saw and experienced many moments that I hold onto:

  • …A group of high school students, presumably from Heron High School, who walked past me and read my sign…and when they walked past me again, thanked me “for getting the word out,” as they were going to buy cupcakes that afternoon.  But didn’t.
  • …at least two individuals who rolled down their window, asked me what happened…then nodded their head, and respectfully disagreed with me, and felt like the owners’ were completely within their rights.  And, I thanked them for the conversation, the dialogue – because we could agree to disagree, and still be human.  And they both nodded in agreement – and drove off when the light changed.
  • …at least 3 individuals who flipped the bird at me, and 1 who “thumbed me down” as they drove past.  With one of the individuals, stopped at the light, I simply yelled, “can’t we have a conversation about what’s going on?”  For him, that amounted to his middle finger.
  • …at least two dozen people who honked at me in support, and six to ten who grabbed their smart phones and took pictures of me on my corners at 16th and Delaware, 16th and Pennsylvania, or 16th and Meridian during those 3 hours.  Oh, one woman who works at the ACLU rolled down her window and said something encouraging.  And at the end of my tiring three hours, two women (one white, one black) and one of their granddaughters stopped me and we talked about why I was there, and what I was experiencing.  So, to the neighbor from 16th and Delaware, and from the woman and her granddaughter who live across the way from Mike, one of the “original men” in this story…thank you for your time.
  • …as I walked back to my car at the end of my “shift,” I waived through the glass window at Randy and Trish, smiled and continued walking…for Randy to step out for another brief five minutes of humanity…and we shook hands, and I said “see you next week, God Bless.”
  • …a conversation that evening with my sister Lisa, telling her about how even though 20+ years later, I couldn’t do much about Pop-pop’s decision to write me out of his will, just for today – I was taking a stand for social justice in a peaceful, lawful way that was making a difference…for me.  Because I ended my day spiritually challenged and open, emotionally engaged and spent, and physically exercised and tired.
  • …lots of “social media” chatter on Facebook when the first online version of Will’s story came out. I reconnected with Lilly and Fairbanks friends; made new friends (of Chad and Marc’s!); met a new friends who is a Buddhist gay man, who reminded me that while I call myself a “gay Christian” to match the debate, I’m more spiritual than religious – and probably choose words like “the Universe” and “my Higher Power” more than I do “Jesus Christ” or “Mother Mary.” I finally shut off the chatter after one final lengthy Facebook message of support from a neighbor (around Old Northside) who thanked me for taking a stand…  that was my good night of Peace.

I’m sure I’ll remember other moments tomorrow, and will add another blog post as I do.  But for now, you’ve suffered this fool gladly enough…thank you for listening.

I’ll be there next Friday, from 3pm-6pm – for my own personal “yeast” that will rise again, because this is about me, my journey and my Lenten call…nothing more, nothing less.  Just for today.

My graphic voice

Since I’ve been asked, here are the four posters I used throughout the 3 hours – at 16th and Delaware, Pennsylvania and Meridian, Indianapolis, Indiana.

Honk 2 boycott 111Cakery
Honk 2 boycott 111Cakery
Welome 2 our Gay-borhood, 111Cakery.
Welome 2 our Gay-borhood, 111Cakery.
111Cakery - Pink Money, spent elsewhere.
111Cakery – Pink Money, spent elsewhere.
111Cakery: Have your cake, don't preach it too!
111Cakery: Have your cake, don’t preach it too!