Author: ctfuqua

I see life as full of possibilities and the world full of beautiful people possessing unique and often untapped talents. I’m a learner and connector, seeking ways to leverage the abundance in this world through strong community.

A grateful lepper at your feet…


Jesus, friend of sinners. We have strayed so far away. We cut people down in Your name, but the sword was never ours to swing…The world is on their way to you, but they are tripping over me…Open our eyes to the world at the end without pointing fingers…Help us to remember we are all the least of these…Nobody knows what we’re for, only what we’re against when we judge the wounded. What if we put down our signs, crossed over the lines and loved like You did? You loved every lost cause. You reached for the outcast, for the lepper and the lame. I was the lepper and the lost cause. I’m a grateful lepper at your feet.

Today is my 46th birthday. I just met Adam, whose barcode tattoo design is his clean date, above his mom’s initials in artistic formation. She died of alcoholism.

Adam's clean date in binary art, punctuated by the loss of his mom to the disease of addiction (her initials as a star point to his exclamation).
ADAM’S EXCLAMATION: Adam’s clean date in binary art, punctuated by the loss of his mom to the disease of addiction (her initials as a star point to his exclamation).

I’ve been in recovery since December 2009. I am on a cruise ship in Bermuda, celebrating my mother’s life, among other things. She was a master cruiser who went on over 70 cruises all over the world. That was her dance…

She also died last year at 71 from untreated alcoholism.

My first tattoo after her death has her Jerusalem cross, which I wore for the first year of mourning, mounted on a butterfly. Mom and I both shared a love of butterflies..

How similar our stories are…Adam, from the earth and me, Christopher Todd.

I was listening to this song by Counting Crows (meaningful lyrics above) when I looked up and saw Adam waiting for his partner. That moment, our conversation, his story, was a sign from my mom and the universe that she is smiling down on me on this birthday reminding me it is all good…better than good. Just for today.

I miss her, as horrible as it was to sometimes be with her and her disease…

I’m putting together a photo montage of tattoos and stories (I’ll post Adam’s when we are back in port.). But in a unique way, the universe opened my eyes so I could connect with Adam and share our stories. I’m crying tears of joy, sadness and gratitude.

I love you mom. I will always be your little boy…

I found my voice at sea…


That’s a bold statement. But on a recent cruise, where I let myself have the time to sift through my life experience to date, I realized that my phrasing of “finding my voice” or “finding community” fails to acknowledge the voice I have today, which is both complete and evolving at the same time.

Today, I have the voice I need to connect emotionally, spiritually and psychologically with the world around me – a world made up of individual beings, each with our own story and each with our own future. I have what I need to live life fully and completely. Full stop.

To use language that I’m looking for community, building community, or finding my voice can leave me to believe that I lack what I need to experience each moment fully as it presents itself.

I realized on this cruise, with its abundance of smiles, stories and connections that my heart is engaging, my mind is expressing and there is truly more than enough present now to be fulfilled each day.

I know that will also continue to grow – to add to my story. But that does not mean that what I have today is inadequate or insufficient.

There are days where I tell myself, “if I were to die today, my life would be complete.” In fact, that is true every day whether I’m able to see it or not. So rather than continue to look, search or wonder, I now know I have what is necessary. I have what is necessary in abundance.

In the first day of my 47th year on this planet we call earth, I see the world differently. I see myself differently. I am complete. I am now able to see the truth that has been there for some time…I have my own voice.

For that I am grateful.

The Ego Has Landed: Chuck C and a New Pair of Glasses


Along with NVC, ABCD and Mark Nepo’s writings, Chuck C’s book “A new pair of glasses” turned my worldview upside down. His insight into the human ego transcends addiction and could be read by all. Here are mp3 from original talk that formed basis of the printed book.

http://www.xa-speakers.org/pafiledb.php?action=category&id=21