Tag: powerless

Poetry in Motion – The Way Under The Way


Again, Mark finds a way of capturing the reality of relationships, of  how we walk this walk of life together, yet alone; I particularly like the part after “abundance…” and the contrast of what we cannot do on a larger scale, yet we can do nonetheless in individual gestures and relationships.  Thank you Mark for your prose…

 

The Way Under the Way

For all that has been written,
for all that has been read, we
are led to this instant where one
of us will speak and one of us will
listen, as if no one has ever placed
an oar into that water.

It doesn’t matter how we come
to this. We may jump to it or be
worn to it. Because of great pain.
Or a sudden raw feeling that this
is all very real. It may happen in a
parking lot when we break the eggs
in the rain. Or watching each other
in our grief.

But here we will come. With very
little left in the way.

When we meet like this, I may not
have the words, so let me say it now:
Nothing compares to the sensation
of being alive in the company of
another. It is God breathing on
the embers of our soul.

Stripped of causes and plans
and things to strive for,
I have discovered everything
I could need or ask for
is right here—
in flawed abundance.

We cannot eliminate hunger,
but we can feed each other.
We cannot eliminate loneliness,
but we can hold each other.
We cannot eliminate pain,
but we can live a life
of compassion.

Ultimately,
we are small living things
awakened in the stream,
not gods who carve out rivers.

Like human fish,
we are asked to experience
meaning in the life that moves
through the gill of our heart.

There is nothing to do
and nowhere to go.
Accepting this,
we can do everything
and go anywhere.

~ Mark Nepo

Poetry in Motion – The Book of Awakening


Those of you who know me or follow any of my writing know that Mark Nepo is an author who has changed my world view – opening me to the possibility of healing, of authenticity, of hope.  These past few months have been dark, and some around me have tried to come with me beyond the glass, forcing their views and their help and their worry upon me.  For me, Mark’s entry on this day speaks volumes to what we can and can not do for one another…

The living terrain of relationship actually exists in the overlap of our inmost natures.[…] Every authentic relationship becomes a home where we return from our solitary communions with God.

Never was this clearer to me than when wheeling Anne, my partner of twenty years, to the operating room where she would have surgery for cancer. I went as far as I could and watched her grow smaller through the glass doors. I realized then that […] each of us must go beyond the glass doors of our experience alone.  And the work of compassion is to guide our dear ones as far as we can and to be there when they return. But no one can go beyond the glass doors for us or with us.

~ Mark Nepo, The Book of Awakening – (entry for July 31, p. 253)

Becoming aware of growth – conscious competence!


I was reminded this week of the stage of learning a new skill or changing an old habit:

1. Unconscious incompetence — I’m not aware of the situation – either the possibility of growth, the area of need, or the new perspective. It’s the “I don’t know what I don’t know.”

2. Conscious incompetence — I become aware of the situation.  I start to learn a new skill, or become aware of an area of my life that needs to change, or begin to see things differently.  My instinct is still to fall back on my old way of doing things – it’s hard to teach an old dog new tricks. I feel very incompetent.

3. Conscious competence — I gain confidence and experience in the skill or new habit.  I am able to do or see things the “new way” — but I’m still very aware of the change.  I might still have to think or talk my way through things, but I’m able to consistently “perform the new trick.”

4. Unconscious competence — The new skill or perspective or way of life becomes so second nature that I forget I’m doing it!  In one respect, I’m back to “I don’t know what I don’t know” but only because it has become the new default – the natural reaction – the “new pair of glasses.”

The reason I like being reminded of this learning dynamic is when I’m in between the second and third step life can be frustrating, particularly for this perfectionist addict who is comfortable in some old patterns.  The “problem” is I’m now aware of the situation and want change…but oft times will still fall back into my normal way of thinking.  But, like learning to drive a car, I find comfort in knowing that the teen-age like awkwardness of jumping the clutch and having to mentally go through my checklist as I pull out of an intersection or start the car eventually becomes second nature.  I drive today without even thinking about it – and yet I know that if you had asked me on day three of my student driving class if I ever thought I’d get this driving thing down pat, I would have burst into tears!

 

This week, I became aware of how my reaction to situations and the actions I take in certain ones is become more conscious competence than not. I’m present enough and aware of myself that I’m able to recognize the inherent powerlessness in a situation, and “work some steps” on a situation rather than try to fix, manage and control it.  I am able to see and catch my competitive tendencies before I act on them, choosing instead to connect, to be happy, to be helpful.  I still have to walk, think or pray my way through.  But, to be aware of the growth in myself was invigorating. It was like having an outside of body experience – being able to step away and observe the situations that came up and realize that the person I was watching was different from the person from my past.  I am growing, learning, adapting, transforming.  And, I like what I see!

I’m far from unconscious competence!  And in some situations or for some things, I may always be at the level of conscious competence. In one sense, it keeps my present, connected and aware of my powerlessness when I’m in that state. But, I have hope that like driving, I will someday have a new set of instincts and reactions which will be second nature…simply a part of who I am…or in fact, present because that is who I am.  I will have just unlearned the coping skills or removed the masks, connected with my true self and allowed that man to step out of his shell.

For the awareness, I’m grateful.

For the growth, I’m grateful.

For today, I’m grateful.

 

 

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