Tag: letting go

Returning to The Rooms


Born Again. Again.

Yesterday was another milestone in my recovery journey.

I returned to The Rooms. And found God. Again.

If you know a little of my story, you know God has been in and out of my life. Lately, I’ve been a little angry with Her. But, I didn’t realize how deep that anger was until yesterday, sitting in another church basement with a bunch of recovering addicts.

Community Room - Broadway UMC
The Church Basement – Broadway UMC, December 2017.
The Community Room (its common name) is used today to host a weekly Queer NA meeting.

I didn’t realize how deep that anger was until I heard another addict talk about how angry he was at God for something in his life. That’s when I realized that I had been keeping score. And in my newly appointed position as The Right Reverend Lord C. August Peacock III, I felt like I had earned the right to be Divine.

Are we Divine?

In one sense, I’m right. I am Divine. As are you, As was Jesus. As was Buddha. As were all the great prophets and teachers and guides. That’s the Truth that I’ve come to believe in my journey of life. I am even working on a little ditty that tells that story!

I have decided to abandon Jesus.

He’s just a prophet like all the others.

His book’s just stories for livin’ life right

No turning back, no turning back.

Sung with Ukulele to the tune of “I Have Decided to Follow Jesus“

It’s all about CONTROL!

But in accepting my Divinity, I also took back Control.

If I can change my thoughts, which change my feelings and emotions, then by God, I must be in Control. I believed for a moment that if I was good enough, kind enough, loving enough – that I could control the Outcomes! I could fix the past and stop hurting. I could fix the future and stop the anxiety.

And then I heard another addict share about Letting Go, and Letting God.

Pin drop.

At the end of the day, all of these things are true.

I am Divine.

I can change my emotions by more carefully changing my thought patterns.

And yet, as the story goes, I am NOT in control.

Now we can debate about the existence of God, of the Son of God and even the Blessed Mary, Mother of God.

Or we can accept our Divine Humanity, and accept that while we are wonderfully rich and complex human beings with souls, we are NOT in control of anything other than our thoughts, actions and beliefs.

And in that acceptance, comes great Peace. Or as they say, Serenity.

Serenity

So just for today, God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I can not change, the Courage to change the things I can, and the Wisdom to know the difference.

These little things matter.

These little things work.

These expressions are mantras.

Does God exist?

Yes, Virginia. God does exist. And yes, there is a Santa Claus. But that’s a different story for a different day.

Who is God? What is God?

GOD. Good Orderly Direction

GOD. The Doorknob.

GOD. The Universe

GOD. Energy

GOD. The Golden Rule

GOD. The Golden Ratio

GOD. You and Me and Jesus.

GOD. Love

GOD. Take your pick. Whatever works for you. But pick something!

Your peace depends on it.

And for God’s sake, give Her back the wheel! She knows what She’s doing.

Thanks for listening.

Keep tellin’ the story.

Signed ever faithfully,

The Right Reverend Lord C. August Peacock III

Life 5.3


I feel like an episode of Star Trek.

Captain’s log: Stardate 06272021, 53rd loop around the Sun.

Or The Twilight Zone! Or Big Mouth! Pick your series to binge. Here we are. The next episode of the next season of the new series by the same artist! Hold on for the ride.

Inspired by Julie, Julia and several other movies or songs that influenced me over the years, here I am. In early retirement. Or taking a year sabbatical. Or, as they say in some circles, a mid-life crisis. Or two. But so far, no sports car. Although…

Some might call this taking a year to find myself. Which, maybe I should have done at 22. or 18. or 43. Or 50. Or 2020. or 53. Wait…

Or maybe I did at 18, 22, 43, 50, 2020, 53. Like I do every year. It’s called Life.

So you see. It’s just another day, in another year. Not Life 2.0. Just Life.

What’s different? What’s the same?

Today, I’m able to make different choices. For that I’m grateful. Those choices sometimes mean changing the story in my head. Because THAT’s where I let myself down. And sometimes other people. Reliving the same story line, with different actors.

Sounds so cliche I know. Until it becomes one’s reality.

Anyway. (Awkward transition…)

Today’s Focus

So the words for today are:

  • Practice
  • Courage
  • Connection
  • Peace
  • Joy

And if I were running for office, or going into early retirement to live my life (what!? novel concept!), my platforms today would be:

  • The art of being human, especially intergenational ones in community
  • The practices of abundance, compassionate communication & ABCD
  • Sexual wellness, especially in repressive, conservative midwestern USA
  • Harm reduction as a form of long-term recovery from addiction & self-harm
  • The arts, including music, photography & performance art – especially spoken word, flow arts, and musical theater
  • Travel & storytelling

Words of Wisdom

And I’m reminded of the following tips I picked up along the way:

  • Wherever we go, there we are.
  • We are all doing the best that we can.
  • Show yourself some compassion & grace.
  • Show others some compassion & grace.
  • Don’t be stingy!
  • BE
  • Be you!
  • Everyone has a story.
  • Everyone hurts.
  • Hurting people hurt.
  • Maybe they are not the enemy.
  • We are all the villain in someone else’ story.
  • The power of a question.
  • Listen.
  • Not my circus, not my monkeys!
  • When in doubt, be kind.
  • I can choose to be right, or I can choose to be happy. I choose to be happy (most days).
  • Some forms of suffering are by choice.
  • People are in our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
  • No, you’re not alone. Really.
  • You’re special, you’re just not unique. Or is that the other way around?
  • Don’t be The Dragon Lady. Just don’t. Move on. That’s so 90’s.
  • Velvet rage is a thing. But don’t let it consume you.
  • Focus on the connection in social media. Leave what doesn’t serve you. It’s not all evil & conspiracy. It is what it is.
  • That which you despise most in other people is in fact what you despise the most in yourself
  • What are you going to do about it?
  • All of my stories are true. Some of them actually happened.

I just keep finding new ways to express myself. And I’m ok with that. This year, it will be intentional, with purpose. Isn’t that what Life is supposed to be about anyway?

Today’s Inspiration

The best thing I’ve seen on social media this week:

May be an image of text that says 'Maybe the journey isn't so much about becoming anything. Maybe it's about unbecoming everything that isn't really you, so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place. Author unknown'
Thanks Joshua T. for today’s inspiration!

Here is to a life of peeling back the layers of wallpaper, facades, masks, and personalities. And to choosing what story we are willing to share now.

Here is to rediscovering or discovering.

Here is to The Right Reverend Lord C. August Peacock III.

Keep tellin’ the story.

Indianapolis, IN. 27.06.2021

An honor to serve? How about a fair chance at a job, or housing…


Society doesn’t trust me to use federal assistance for food or school tuition, is willing to refuse me housing and employment simply and solely based on a background check with no discussion because of my criminal record, and some countries won’t let me cross their borders…

…and yet you trust me with the “honor” to be on a “jury of peers” and serve jury duty?

Really.  I find this ironic and hypocritical.  What do you think?

Shame on Hoosiers, Shame on America!  Give us a break!  (Read on to learn more…)

An honor to serve? I’d rather have a fair chance at a job, or housing…or other assistance granted to other citizens. Thanks!

 

I’ve learned a lot in the last 5 years about the barriers our society puts in place for people living with a criminal record.  I was as surprised to learn about them as many people I talk with about my experience.  I guess “ignorance is bliss.”  But ignorance also keeps the status quo in place…  Which is why I try to talk about what I’ve learned, in hopes that education and awareness might help remove the stigma and perhaps even help to change laws or rules to make re-entry easier.

So to clarify – we are talking about someone like myself who is no longer on parole or probation, but has “served the time” for his or her crime.

In my case, I was fortunate enough to not do any actual time in jail or prison, apart from a couple hours around my original arrest.  (So I haven’t experienced the “full force” of “re-entry” – of returning to society after serving time for a crime.

For a lot of reasons, including a Higher Power who was looking out for me and some “next right things” I did when I hit bottom and sought help for my addiction, I was fortunate enough to be given a plea bargain and a chance, through probation, to have my felony charges dropped to misdemeanors – if I met the conditions of my plea bargain.  I was doing well at first in 2010, but was over-confident in my ability to stay clean for the first year of my recovery (while I was on probation) – and ended up blowing the terms of my plea bargain.  While I successfully completed the balance of my 12 month term without issue, I found myself “living with” a felony record.

So, what barriers are in place for someone who has served their time, but still lives with a felony record?  In the State of Indiana (some of these are Federal issues, some are State-specific):

  • I can’t get a student loan for tuition assistance to go back to school
  • I can’t get food stamps
  • If landlords run background checks, I’m likely to face barriers securing an affordable, well-maintained place to rent and live
  • If employers run background checks and aren’t educated with new(er) guidelines related to “ban the box” and fair hiring practices, I’m likely to face barriers getting a job.  Learn more at:

http://bantheboxcampaign.org/
http://www.nelp.org/publication/ban-the-box-fair-chance-hiring-state-and-local-guide/

  • I can’t travel to some countries in the world, including Canada (note: the same is true for individuals convicted of a DUI in the US…no travel to Canada!)

ReEntry Scorecard for the Midwest (click on image for details)
ReEntry Scorecard for the Midwest (click on image for details)

 

Two overarching principles emerged as key criteria in the grading system (with 1 being best and 10 the worst):

• State and federal laws should require individualized determinations about the suitability of someone with a criminal conviction for the opportunity, benefit or right sought that takes into consideration the nature of the conviction(s), the time that has elapsed since the conviction(s), the age of the person at the time of the conviction(s) and any evidence of rehabilitation.

• State and federal laws should prohibit government agencies, public and private employers, and others from considering information about arrests that did not lead to conviction when making decisions about a person’s eligibility for employment, housing, or other benefits.

 

Note: since I completed my probation, Indiana has made some steps in the right direction.  After ~8-10 years, under certain conditions, felony records can be expunged – which makes some of the issues/barriers I’m going to talk about mostly disappear.  Records are still accessible to law enforcement of course – but issues of employment, housing, travel – largely become a non-issue.  But, it’s still 10 years until I reach that point…so around 2021.  For details, see:

http://recoveryindiana.org/documents/HB1482_Expungement_FAQ.pdf
http://recoveryindiana.org/documents/HB1482_Expungement_Summary.pdf)

 

To learn more, check out:

http://www.reentrycentral.org/
http://lac.org/roadblocks-to-reentry/
http://www.lac.org/roadblocks-to-reentry/main.php?view=state
http://www.nij.gov/topics/corrections/reentry/pages/welcome.aspx