Honks, java and conversation…an update on my Lenten protest


So today was the third week of protesting 111Cakery’s decision to turn down a same-sex couple’s business. The bakery refused to make a cake for the couple’s wedding celebration because doing so goes against the owners’ religious beliefs.

I stopped in to chat with the owners beforehand, as we had missed each other last week.  I wanted to hear about their decision to pull their Facebook page, and have a conversation about how things were going.  The human side of my protest…

Randy shared with me that there were too many hateful, harsh comments on the page, from both sides of the debate.  He just decided it wasn’t worth leaving the page up, though he originally had done so to allow people to share their opinions.  He commented that there have been only two people to come in and talk with him who opposed their actions – me and a guy named Mike, who joined me for last week’s protest.  Everything else against the bakery has been via social media, etc.

Randy continues to be surprised by the reaction from the gay community and our allies.  He didn’t realize their decision would have such a “personal impact” on so many people.  He referred back to our first conversation, indicating that I helped him understand how this might “land” on a LGBT person…that even though their intention was not to “judge or reject” someone because of their homosexuality, he could now understand how it might be received.  Having said that, when I asked him if they had reconsidered their policy or how they might go about dealing with a similar request, he indicated they would make the same choice (though, as he says, the chances of getting another request with all the publicity is pretty slim!)  He continues to believe they are doing the right thing, consistent with their religious beliefs.  He and his wife just can’t condone, nor can she be “artistically inspired” to create a cake that “celebrates a gay marriage,” which they believe is sinful.  I did point out that there is nothing in the Ten Commandments or any of Jesus’ teachings that would indicate that homosexuality is sinful — that’s all old Testament based.  And, as he knows, other issues of social justice and civil rights have been “justified” based on religious dogma…yet I doubt he would use the Bible to refuse to make a cake that “celebrated” a black couple’s marriage, because our society has (largely) grown past such an act of racial discrimination (at least from a legal point of view!) But that point fell again on deaf ears…at least for now.  God can change hearts with seeds that we plant…who knows!

I did ask him if he would make a cake for a Jewish or Muslim’s couple’s wedding.  He responded that he hadn’t really thought of that…but perhaps they “would just stop making wedding cakes all together.”  Interesting.

I then asked him, what would they do if laws were changed, and gay marriage was actually considered legal – either at the State level, with some of the lawsuits against the State of Indiana, or by the US Supreme Court.  He sidestepped the question, but did acknowledge that it’s just a matter of time before such a change comes about.

At the end of the day, it’s clear the situation has caused them to prayerfully consider their beliefs and actions.  Randy indicated there are times in life when “significant events” happen like this, which “cause one to challenge and reflect on long-held beliefs.” Though, in this case, they’ve stayed true to their beliefs that gay marriage goes against God’s design for humanity. I understand where he is coming from.  From my experience, I shared with him that the only event that might change he and his wife’s beliefs would be if one of their own children came out of the closet.  I know in my case, that’s caused my mom to reconsider her views on homosexuality from a Christian perspective.

 

So moving on to the protest, I kept with my more neutral, “kinder and gentler” signs, having learned my own lessons about love and compassion and consistencyI mainly used the “Honk 2 Boycott 111Cakery” signs…and continued to get a lot of honks.  I’d guess about 30-40% of the cars that passed by honked.  For me, that was rewarding.

I also had a first…that REALLY touched me!  A car pulled up heading East on 16th and stopped at the light with their window down…and handed me a large café mocha and dessert cake from Starbucks!  

A drive by "thank you" from today's protest!
A drive by “thank you” from today’s protest!

The passenger said, “this is a gift for you…”  And they wrote “Thank you! on the side of the cup!  It was particularly timely because the weather was a bit chilly…so the warm coffee hit the spot!

So, thank you to Universe for all the honks of support…and for my anonymous supporter who went out of their way to bring me a warm drink and sweet!

See y’all next week – Friday, 3-6pm, on 16th between Delaware and Meridian.

 

 

 

A lesson in humility…and in being consistent. Got it…


As I gear up to hit the streets again tomorrow in protest of the local bakery, I wanted to write about some challenging “online chatter” I received after the last Friday we were out picketing.  It was a lesson in humility, practicing what you preach and being consistent.

As I was getting ready last time, I knew I’d have some extra folks joining us – so I made some more signs.  I also saw a friend’s re-rendering of the bakery’s logo, from “111Cakery” to “111Hatery.”  I thought it was catchy, and decided to use it in some of the new posters.  I created a couple new phrases on the fly, and they were “influenced” by this logo remake.

Straying from my own intentions...a gentle lesson in compassion.
Straying from my own intentions…a gentle lesson in compassion.

And that’s where I honestly strayed from my own wishes to keep this “peaceful, compassionate and considerate.”  Gulp…eating humble pie.

Since this was the second week, news about the bakery’s actions had spread a little more with time and some press coverage.  There were clearly more folks on the road who knew the situation, and many chose to show support by honking.  I also had three guys join me which was AWESOME – it made the time past faster and helped show even more “presence.” (Thanks Ryan, JB and Mike!)

When I shared some pictures from the day on Facebook, two friends gently pushed back a little at the “hate” language I was using.  And I have to admit…they were right in doing so.

How does doing something like this make us any better or more right than they are? We don’t like it when they do this to us and yet we are the first ones to turn it around. Just asking?

It seems name calling and stooping to “their” level. I respect what you are doing, don’t get me wrong. I just don’t care for the wording on the posters.

There’s a fine line I guess between having fun, being “catchy”…and falling into the trap of “not being nice.”  Heck, in my OWN “rules for picketing peacefully and lawfully” I had asked people to:

5. When in doubt take the higher ground.
6. Be kind – do not yell anything that would make your grandmother blush
7. Have fun – this is America, and we are all human beings. We are not the enemy, nor is anyone else. Keep it civil

So, I’m here to say that I’m human…I’m surrounded by people who care enough about this being a “peaceful and civil” stand…and I strayed from where I had wanted this to be.

Side note: I’m REALLY truing to avoid words like right and wrong, good or bad…in the spirit of non-violent (or compassionate) communication.  I don’t want any of this to sound judgmental… either of the “logo spoof” or of my own efforts.   I simply want to compare MY actions to MY intentions and needs…that’s all I have control over.  And when I do…with the help of these friends…there was an inconsistency.

SO – thank you to Jack F. and Mike B. for having the integrity and courage to call me out…I REALLY appreciated it (and said so on Facebook).  But, I just wanted to share my learning here…

Now…enough with the personal flogging!  Back to HAVING FUN and SPIRITUAL GROWTH!

I’ll close with the Universe’s gift to my journey…(funny how things come just when they are needed…).  This video from HoneyMaid is going viral this week…another good reminder!

So with it, I’ll go back to re-making some signs for tomorrow…and I’ll remember NOH8…just PEACE and LOVE.  And where there is hate or negativity…avoid the trap, and turn it into something else…St. Francis had it right in his prayer. 🙂

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BtJeI4Q9nBE

 

Clean 2-8-14 #knowyourstatus REALLY?


20 years later…
What have we learned about science and hate?

Clean 2-8-14  #knowyourstatus

Want me to get scientific [on you]…and explain why having HIV is dirty?

I can fully explain it to you.  Chemistry and biology.

It’s a bacteria infection.  Which is not clean.

Your being mad at the world…is not gonna get rid of your HIV brother.  I promise that.

This is an online profile and part of a text conversation with a 21-year-old tonight in the early to mid 2010’s.

AIDS is God’s judgement on homosexuals.

This was from a phone conversation I had with my mother in the early 1990’s.  She had a master’s in microbiology.

I’m not sure which scares – or hurts – me the most.  Judgement and hate from my flesh and blood family, or judgement and hate from my family of choice.

At least my mother grew in her understanding and compassion over the years — along with the scientific understanding of this very manageable health condition.  When I eventually contracted the HIV virus in 2012, she no longer spoke in such an uneducated way.

I only wish this “SomeHotDude” from the millennial generation  learns some things about health, compassion and acceptance.

Anger, sadness and fear…oh my!

Am I mad “at the world?”  I’m mad at a choice I made to relapse in December 2011, which put me in a situation where I had unsafe sex in a careless way that showed little self-respect.  It’s a choice I made to use, and from there…my addiction wanted me dead.  So yes, I’m mad at myself and my addiction.

Am I mad and saddened and hurt by my dead grandfather, who 20+ years later I find out wrote me out of his will because I’m gay?  Yes, I’m mad at his narrow-minded bigotry that excluded me simply because of whom I love.

Am I mad at this cocky 21-year-old who verbalizes things I thought about people with HIV/AIDS for 20+ years, because of my own fear, prejudice and insecurity?  Yes, I’m mad and sad at seeing myself in him, mad at him for openly expressing his prejudice while I at least had the maturity along the way of keeping my fears and insecurities to myself.

Are the decisions or actions we’ve both made any different?  No.

Am I frustrated that our society continues to marginalize, label and push people who are different down into the gutter — whether it be based on race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, health condition, age or some other “class” we use to describe one another — rather than seeing one another as human beings?  Yes.

And let’s be clear – I’m part of that society, and have some of those same prejudices, so I hope this doesn’t come across as self-righteous.  I’m human, not perfect…just trying to learn and grow with what life experiences I have.

The question is: while we all may have these thoughts, do we let them influence our actions?  Or do we instead ignore the “pre-judement based on a stereotype, label or generalization” and choose acceptance, compassion, understanding?   Do we look past the societal labels, and seek to get to know the person in front of us?  In front of me…

Am I curious about that person, who they are and what they believe?   Do I think critically about the information I’m presented as I listen?  Do I show compassion, even in the face of fear, differences, insecurities?

It’s not always easy…believe me!  But that’s how I aspire to live, at the age of 45.  I only wish I knew at 21 what I now understand more fully…

Clean 2-8-14  #knowyourstatus

So yes, it scares and saddens me that this 21 year old is growing up comfortable about being gay, but judging people in our own community because he is afraid.

So my responses to his blindness were:

Clean 3-17-14, HIV+ March 2012

What does cleanliness have to do with status?  HIV status has nothing to do with being clean or dirty.

Do you like it when gay people are all labeled as perverts?  Then why would it be acceptable to label all HIV+ people as dirty [because people who are HIV- are instead clean]?

Perversion has nothing do with sexual orientation, just like cleanliness has nothing to do with viral status.

So yes, I’m clean and HIV+ — as if those two “labels” are really the antithesis of each other.  (I’ve been on medication since I was first diagnosed, and my viral load has been undetectable since January 2013)

One has to do with bathing habits, or language usage (for fuck’s sake…), or perhaps how tidy one keeps one’s house.  The other is a manageable health condition.  Two very different concepts.

This isn’t the 1980’s folks…get educated.  (Or for any millennials reading this, it’s not the 90’s. )

I hope this 21 year old never contracts the HIV virus and has to eat his own words…like I’ve had to re-evaluate my thoughts and beliefs…or like my mom had to re-evaluate her religion.