Tag: honesty

Life 5.3


I feel like an episode of Star Trek.

Captain’s log: Stardate 06272021, 53rd loop around the Sun.

Or The Twilight Zone! Or Big Mouth! Pick your series to binge. Here we are. The next episode of the next season of the new series by the same artist! Hold on for the ride.

Inspired by Julie, Julia and several other movies or songs that influenced me over the years, here I am. In early retirement. Or taking a year sabbatical. Or, as they say in some circles, a mid-life crisis. Or two. But so far, no sports car. Although…

Some might call this taking a year to find myself. Which, maybe I should have done at 22. or 18. or 43. Or 50. Or 2020. or 53. Wait…

Or maybe I did at 18, 22, 43, 50, 2020, 53. Like I do every year. It’s called Life.

So you see. It’s just another day, in another year. Not Life 2.0. Just Life.

What’s different? What’s the same?

Today, I’m able to make different choices. For that I’m grateful. Those choices sometimes mean changing the story in my head. Because THAT’s where I let myself down. And sometimes other people. Reliving the same story line, with different actors.

Sounds so cliche I know. Until it becomes one’s reality.

Anyway. (Awkward transition…)

Today’s Focus

So the words for today are:

  • Practice
  • Courage
  • Connection
  • Peace
  • Joy

And if I were running for office, or going into early retirement to live my life (what!? novel concept!), my platforms today would be:

  • The art of being human, especially intergenational ones in community
  • The practices of abundance, compassionate communication & ABCD
  • Sexual wellness, especially in repressive, conservative midwestern USA
  • Harm reduction as a form of long-term recovery from addiction & self-harm
  • The arts, including music, photography & performance art – especially spoken word, flow arts, and musical theater
  • Travel & storytelling

Words of Wisdom

And I’m reminded of the following tips I picked up along the way:

  • Wherever we go, there we are.
  • We are all doing the best that we can.
  • Show yourself some compassion & grace.
  • Show others some compassion & grace.
  • Don’t be stingy!
  • BE
  • Be you!
  • Everyone has a story.
  • Everyone hurts.
  • Hurting people hurt.
  • Maybe they are not the enemy.
  • We are all the villain in someone else’ story.
  • The power of a question.
  • Listen.
  • Not my circus, not my monkeys!
  • When in doubt, be kind.
  • I can choose to be right, or I can choose to be happy. I choose to be happy (most days).
  • Some forms of suffering are by choice.
  • People are in our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
  • No, you’re not alone. Really.
  • You’re special, you’re just not unique. Or is that the other way around?
  • Don’t be The Dragon Lady. Just don’t. Move on. That’s so 90’s.
  • Velvet rage is a thing. But don’t let it consume you.
  • Focus on the connection in social media. Leave what doesn’t serve you. It’s not all evil & conspiracy. It is what it is.
  • That which you despise most in other people is in fact what you despise the most in yourself
  • What are you going to do about it?
  • All of my stories are true. Some of them actually happened.

I just keep finding new ways to express myself. And I’m ok with that. This year, it will be intentional, with purpose. Isn’t that what Life is supposed to be about anyway?

Today’s Inspiration

The best thing I’ve seen on social media this week:

May be an image of text that says 'Maybe the journey isn't so much about becoming anything. Maybe it's about unbecoming everything that isn't really you, so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place. Author unknown'
Thanks Joshua T. for today’s inspiration!

Here is to a life of peeling back the layers of wallpaper, facades, masks, and personalities. And to choosing what story we are willing to share now.

Here is to rediscovering or discovering.

Here is to The Right Reverend Lord C. August Peacock III.

Keep tellin’ the story.

Indianapolis, IN. 27.06.2021

I’m sorry I let you down…but please speak up and don’t assume intent…


I live my life in the moment, but try my best to be considerate of others.  But at the end of the day, I can’t take the world’s perspective into account or I would never be able to experience this moment fully.  I could second guess every step, every move and miss the opportunity of being fully present.

Unfortunately, this sometimes means that others may feel excluded because I don’t reach out “in the moment” to share the experience.  As a “recovering people pleaser,” I’m trying to find that balance between connecting considerately and being fully present in the moment, being more fully aware of my needs.  Sometimes I “get it right” for all parties; sometimes I worry too much what others think, feel or want and “miss me;” and unfortunately,  I sometimes inadvertently overlook others’ needs and upset or hurt them.

If I’m lucky in the latter case, the other person will express their feelings to me in a straightforward manner that allows me to understand the impact I had on them. It doesn’t lessen their pain or change their feelings, but it allows me to be aware, to apologize and hopefully strike a better balance the next time.  Sometimes, I get an emotionally charged response, which is really a lose-lose situation because I’m left feeling manipulated, or hurt with spiteful attacks…and it still doesn’t lessen their pain or change their feelings.  Instead we are both left hurt, simply because the other person “lashes out” or lets their past hurts, issues or unmet needs be perceived as as a personal attack (which for me, is rarely the case…). And then, sadly, there are those times when the other doesn’t voice anything…which for me is the worst of all situations, because their pain is still real and I’m left without the opportunity to be aware, seek forgiveness and (hopefully) act differently next time.

I share this in the hopes of raising awareness of a couple key points. First, like most people, I’m trying my best, with good intentions – but am imperfect and will fall short sometimes.  Second, at least for me, I rarely intentionally hurt others – so please don’t assume intention, but express your unmet needs and valid feelings in an objective manner that allows me to hear and receive your feedback. And finally, silence is by far the worst of all choices.  Passive-aggressive behavior I can work through; silence robs us both of a growth experience and an ability to connect.

Flipped again! Seeing the wisdom of my BFF’s word of advice…


I love my church…I love the way I’m challenged, encouraged, supported, and inspired.

For this gay man, that’s a pretty powerful statement to make.  Like many LGBTQ folks, my history with “organized religion” has led me into some uncomfortable places, as I’ve blogged about before.  I’ve belonged to a conservative “Christian cult,” (in my terms…), attended Homosexuals Anonymous (yep! there is actually a 12-step program to “make you straight), and skirted with Exodus Ministries and Sy Rogers, hosting him at the University of Michigan at a “launch event” for an ex-gay outreach I started my Senior year.

With that history, it’s no wonder it took a LONG time before I felt comfortable setting foot in a church, let alone one with strong ties to its middle-of-the-road-but-slightly-conservative mainstream denomination. But, growing up going to church, attending Sunday school and a high school youth group, I always knew that deep inside, some (healthier) spiritual life was important to me.  I’ve always believed we are physical, emotional, intellectual and yes – spiritual beings.  It’s just taken some grieving and courage to face the “demons” from my past that caused me to avoid church altogether.

Looking back on my journey, which has included 9+ years attending Broadway United Methodist Church, and several years finding my “own voice” and path forward in my recovery, which includes some powerful experiences, insightful readings and sharing in the “rooms” of several 12 step programs.  As I’ve written before, while I don’t attend any meetings regularly now, those early days of recovery were critical in my “flip” – my re- acceptance of an active spiritual life.

So last year, when we worked through a creative Lenten experience together at Broadway, facing our own personal shame…I embarked on a personal spiritual journey to better deal and face my own shame in a somewhat unconventional way….picketing a local bakery whose story “hit the social media fan” right around the start of Lent, because of their refusal to make a cake for a gay couple.

Final week of protest...HAPPY EASTER!
Final week of protest…HAPPY EASTER!

Probably the single wisest move I made “taking that on” for Lent was from a suggestion from someone I consider to be my “BFF” / friend much more than I do my “Pastor.”  Mike Mather has been an important part of my life journey in community.   His coaching was to go in and talk with the owners first, before I showed up to picket their bakery.

That single act has made my “spiritual journey” and then Lenten decision much more powerful and personal.  My Higher Power (God, The Universe, whatever works for you) has also taken my act of faith, and made more connections, insights and “knock on effects” than I could have ever fathomed.  For that, I’m truly grateful.

So, I’ll close this piece with some recent follow-up articles that explain how this all has come full circle.  I thank Randy McGrath for his courage to be honest and authentic; I appreciate Will Higgins ability to see deeper into the story being told between Randy and me over the course of weeks and months; and I will use the experience to look for more ways to engage in personal dialogue and curiosity.

As my one friend Stewart Huff says, “we are all scared, curious poets.”  It’s powerful to admit “I don’t know” to certain questions, leading to the possibility of being “Flipped” — of seeing the world through a new pair of glasses.  So, I’ll also close this piece with some cross-references to some other “scared, curious poets” who Flipped! my worldview…

Sawubona

Other Flips! in my journey: