Is the glass half full, or half empty?


This is a running joke between me and a very dear friend of mine. I, the eternal optimist, see the glass half full; he the realist (not pessimist! as he points out) sees the glass half empty. We love to tease each other about our different perspectives on life, people, circumstances.

This came to mind recently as I’ve been wrestling with my expectations of other people and situations. As you can imagine, the wrestling comes from being disappointed, sad and frustrated when they aren’t met. I’ve been told that as an addict, it’s important not to have expectations – because they can lead to disappointments and resentments, which are recipes for relapse.

But as I’ve chewed on this and brought it up as a topic in meetings and with my therapist, I have questioned: “Is this really how I want to go through life?  Not having expectations?”  Sounds awfully dull.  Sounds a lot like seeing the glass as half empty!  I’m not ready to make that switch!

Honest – yes.  Open minded – eh…  Willing – not so much.

I’ve been here before.  It’s time to revisit my world view…again.

Without being cliché, what I’m realizing is it’s about accepting things they way they are, not the way I want them to be.  Accepting that people in my life — even friends with 10 and 20 years of recovery — as broken human beings in need of compassion and grace, not judgement and rejection. It’s about living in the moment, and trusting my Higher Power to take care of me. My expectations are about control – and I have to accept that I am powerless over people, places and things. It doesn’t mean I accept injustice, bigotry, discrimination, etc. But, most of the situations in my life recently that frustrate and disappoint me don’t fall into that category.

So is the glass half full, or half empty?

That’s not the right question.  In fact, there is no question.

It’s a glass of sweet nectar – the sweet nectar of life!  Drink deeply and enjoy the refreshing gift.

Breathe in authenticity, breathe out compassion


I came across a breathing exercise in a daily meditation I’ve been going through this year. As I breathe in deeply, it had me focus on living authentically – being my true self. In doing so, that would help me to show compassion — so as I breathe out deeply, the word to contemplate was compassion.  Breathe in authenticity, breathe out compassion.

As they say, how is that working for you?

I’ve done this for about a month or so. These past two weeks, I’ve found myself more judgmental of others – particularly those friends around me in recovery! I’ve been more competitive, more frustrated and at times, with a serious case of the f&*k its!

So where is the compassion?

This morning, I realized through some meditation and the morning’s devotional that I’ve focused on having compassion for others. Indeed, I think that was the original framing from the exercise. However, what I’m realizing is the exercise first applies to myself. Only in showing myself compassion — indeed, only in first seeing the compassion that I’ve been shown by my Higher Power — will I find the necessary humility and perspective to meet others with that same compassion.

I’ve heard that before — but it never really connected in the exercise. While the end goal may still be to find a way to live authentically and show compassion for others as I live out my faith in the world, it starts with finding compassion for myself. It took feeling the judgments and frustrations to dig a little deeper…and with that came a richer understanding and experience.

So I’m going to continue with the exercise for a while longer – but shift the focus on finding and showing compassion for myself.

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Memorable Quotes from Recovery


First is gets better, then it gets worse, then it gets different, then it it gets good.

If we don’t talk about things, then they are not real.

When you are young and pretty, hang out with the drag queens and drink…life is pretty fabulous!

One of the most dangerous places I can be is proving someone else is wrong.

I can choose to be right, or I can choose to be happy.

I can choose to be right, or I can choose to connect.

We addicts like to trade what we want most for what we want now.

Setting boundaries is about meeting my needs – not controlling other people’s actions.

I’m not worse than, I’m not better than — I’m just mainstream.

We’re egomaniacs with an inferiority complex.

This is a simple program for complex people.