What have I learned?

That music heals.

I remember where I was when the news came.

The world wept.

More news comes.

We weep.

You remember where you were when the news came.

This music heals.


I invite you to find and listen to Diana, Princess of Wales: Tribute

You can find it on Pandora or purchase on Amazon.

Thanks for listening,

Keep tellin’ the story.


Professor C Todd Peacock III
Community Artivist, Connector, Storyteller & Healer

Write it down…

This phrase has been showing up lately. I’m listening. As best I can.

Journaling for therapy. Since my mental health crisis last summer, I’ve been doing some intense PTSD-informed work with my regular therapist. Peeling back the cliches and discovering my authentic self, my own divinity, and my relationship with God. The Universe keeps putting people in my life who are guiding me in this truth.

An Anxiety Notebook, created by a therapist, based on CBT. No, not cock ball torture. (Though that does show up in my notebook!) Cognitive behavioral therapy. Powerful guided writings. Thank you Tony Law for bringing me into awareness of CBT.

Sexual banter, exploring my sexual feelings, needs and wants. Pains, wounds, healing. Shades of gray. Fifty in fact – or 50^5. Challenging old ways of showing up, while still breathing life into my spiritual and sexual journey.

Drifting from my “combattical” into a new chapter. My vert journey. My Lolita-based exploration of art, desire, sexuality and connection with Professor Peacock, CelebrateUU and C Todd Dudeoir. Mix in a couple soundscapes and a little 3D or 5D action, and explore the creative process.



I’ve come to the conclusion that I want to be able to share all of my art. And since I’ve already been banned twice with my recent C Todd Dudeoir posts, I know I need to create a safe space where I can explore. I think Patreon will give me that safe space to explore my own desires, thoughts, feelings, and creations without fear of trolls or banning. So all of me can show up. All of my art.

I’ll still do some writing here. And sharing on my website or Insta feed. So keep in touch however works best for you!

Thank you to my fellow artists who inspire, inform, collaborate and lift up. They told me to swim with the dolphins. I’m finding my pod.

Inspired by my fearless models and muses, Brandon, Stephen, Joe, Jeremiah, Josh, Austin, Devon and others who have crossed my path – for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

Give me a little time. I’ll let you know when I’ve got the new space ready to go. Done is better than perfect. Goodish rules. I will continue to evolve.

Thanks for listening,

Keep tellin’ the story.


Professor C Todd Peacock III
Community Artivist, Connector, Storyteller & Healer

What have I learned…

Hello gentle readers. It’s been awhile since I’ve slowed down enough to write.

So here I am. Rolling with the flow of life. Embracing my inner BuBA.

What are my superpowers?

I get energized by making connections, synthesizing ideas, seeing patterns or relationships. Information. People. Stories. Songs. Ideas. Images.

I’m consistent in brainstorming new ideas, concepts, approaches, questions, new ways of looking at things.

I’m a gemini – not fully understanding what that helps me bring to the table, but I’ve had glimpses.

I live on a spectrum of spectrums. I’m more fluid than I’ve historically understood. I don’t know how that shows up, but I’m going to let more of that come up.

Sadly, I learned how to navigate in a conservative Corporate culture that I can now see (glimpses) of systemic racism, sexism, homophobia and what I now understand as transphobia – even though that was still very underground. I believe that is changing, but only in the backdrop of sweeping anti-trans legislation, being orchestrated by a very conservative caucus. And if you think that’s hyperbole, reach out to me. I’ll show you some scary stuff.

But I digress

Learning to pass in a binary world

I say sadly because I got very good at passing in that culture, and largely succeeding. I’m pretty good at “playing the game” in a White, cis male-dominated heteronormative culture. I’m learning that I’m not as good at succeeding in today’s world – where I’m being asked to step aside and let others have the spotlight. Or that’s how it FEELS to many of us. Let’s go there. GWM of a certain age.

But, I’m also eager to learn. Slow to grasp, resistant to fully own. But once I do, I’m understanding the greater battle going on. Humans are uniquely evolved and positioned to witness our own demise as we live through the Anthropocene. We just visited the Chicago Museum of Science and Industry. Mind blown.

But I digress.

The reality is we are evolving to life on a spectrum – a messy, magical, bizarre, surprising, blending of light and darkness and everything in between.

What have I learned as an independent organizer?

I was in a virtual demonstration for Action Builder. One of the other participants introduced himself as an independent community organizer. I love it.

I think the only thing I’d add is I am an interdependent community organizer. Because this isn’t about one dominant group taking over the spotlight. It’s about the old guard learning how to stay in the game, be valued for our experience and connection to our fathers’ father – while still evolving with the Universe.

Community Artivist, Connector & Reflector

The connections are popping up so often I can’t name them all.

I was in another panel discussion on Diversity, Oppression, and Privilege at Ball State this week. I’m learning to listen more. It’s helping.

I listened to one of the participants describe how they have taken their experiences growing up in the “one down” position of a power dynamic.

It’s taught them a couple lessons.

What are my lessons?

Know thyself.

Be thyself

Practice self-care, which includes knowing your own personal capacity, pace and/or rhythm so you don’t burnout

Manage transitions (ok I threw that one in…) – micro, macro, inside my head, out in the world, all of them!

Learn self-regulation, which is different than numbing yourself, shutting off emotions – as White men have been socialized and raised for generations – but worse in my father’s father’s time. And my mother’s father’s time. So, as a GWM who passed in Corporate America – I really have NO experience with self-regulation, because I could get away with it. We could get away with it. Now that the dinner seating is being rearranged, we must skill up on this.

I know – I said I’m probably late to the game. But, I like to percolate and overthink.

Oh, he also talked about how he uses journaling to help with all of this.

BuBA. Buddha and the Bad Ass.

What does this have to do with the price of tea in Ukraine?

Absolutely nothing. But someday, this may become a memoire.

As I was saying. I have a lot to relearn.

Calling in, not calling out.

Self-regulating, being able to stay present and engaged

Better understanding capacity – or throughput – or flow

Thanks for listening,

Keep tellin’ the story.


Professor C Todd Peacock III
Community Artivist, Connector, Storyteller & Healer