Category: General

Yes, Virginia … There is a Santa Claus (and other traditions)


The letter to the editor of the New York Sun in 1897 is one of my favorite Christmas “stories.”  Several years ago, my then partner Jerry saw the letter/response from the editor reprinted for a Macy’s Christmas ad, and had it framed for me in a satin red mat/black frame.  It’s one of my many traditions for Christmas — taking down a piece of artwork that’s up for the rest of the year, replacing it with this frame.  The full text is available below (and the movie can be seen on Netflix!)

Yes, Virginia…there is a Santa Claus!.

Yes Virginia Memorabilia

“Yes Virginia…” Memorabilia I’ve Collected

I’ve been through a lot of change and loss since 2010, so it has taken a couple of years until I have really got back into the Christmas spirit.  Last year, I lost my mom to alcoholism/heart attack in January, and my grandmother (her mom) died later in October, one month shy of her 101st birthday.  But, I’m happy to report that this year is probably the best year so far: decorating the house, putting up lights inside and our along with a tree, etc.

There are three special items in my collection (in addition to the Yes, Virginia stuff) that remind me of my family.

  • One is a collection of homemade Christmas cards that my mom’s parents had printed each year from ~40’s to the ~60’s, which I had specially mounted several years ago, proudly displaying them as they should be.  They remind me of my mom and grandmother.  I love the different clothing styles, and fonts/expressions that mirror the changing times…
Vintage Christmas Cards - The Schneider Family (1940's to 1960's)
Vintage Christmas Cards
The Schneider Family (1940’s to 1960’s)

 

  • One is an original decanter and glass set for Creme de Menth that my grandmother Blanche gave me.  Very “kitsch” – something that nobody else in the family wanted, so she was ecstatic when her “gay grandson” was thrilled to give it a good home.

IMG_6244

Original Decanter/Glasses (Creme de Menthe)

 

  • Several collections of crèche’s (mangers) from my mom, which the three siblings carefully divided up between ourselves and her grandchildren last year.  They remind me of mom…

Creche (Manger Scene) from the Estate of C.S. Wyman Creche (Manger Scene) from the Estate of C.S. Wyman Creche (Manger Scene) from the Estate of C.S. Wyman

Creche (Manger Scene) from the Estate of C.S. Wyman

Crèche (Manger Scene) from the Estate of C.S. Wyman

Another proud “tradition” I’m a part of are the carillons at my “community center” / church, Broadway United Methodist Church.  We had a capital project last year to put them back in service, having rung in the past decades…but the old tape technology had fallen into disuse and failed to work.  A resident of Mapleton-Fall Creek, living two blocks from the church, it seemed fitting to give to our ambiance in memory of my grandmother with some of the money she left me in her will.

Whenever I hear the chimes, I think fondly of her and her matriarchal role in our family. To know the carillons are bringing others joy warms my heart. I love this neighborhood community and the traditions and memories it brings forward.

Some comments from neighbors (via nextdoor.com)

“We live right across the street from Broadway UMC and we LOVE hearing the bells! Thank you for all of your work to bring this small joy back to the neighborhood!”

” I enjoy hearing the beautiful bells. It’s nice to have them return to Broadway.  Whenever I hear the bells ring from the Broadway tower, I will always think of you and your Grandmother. Thank for ringing our bells!”

“I love the bells. I remember the first time I heard them play a song which was two christmas’s ago. I completely stopped what I was doing and listened. Not only did the bells tell me to slow down and just listen for once, they got me in the holiday spirit which is a feeling you can’t buy. We also brag to our guests, that visit our house, that we don’t need a wall clock because the bell tower keeps us up on the time!”

“I live on Broadway and I absolutely love hearing them chime. Thank you!”

“My family and I love hearing the bells. Thank you to you and your committee for making this a lovely part of our community!”

“I no longer live in MFC, however, my family lived in the community for 50 years. I am employed at Broadway UMC and I absolutely love hearing the chimes…so glad that they have been restored!”

One final tradition we grew up with: homemade pumpkin bread.  We couldn’t open our presents on Christmas morning until we had our slices of bread, which my mom had made from the pumpkins at Halloween.  So, I carry that tradition forward and always try to have pumpkin bread in and around the season, especially on Christmas morning.

Another tradition I reconnected with is our annual Christmas Store for the neighborhood…but I’ll save another blog post for that.  I’ll also write about “Christopher The Christmas Tree,” the creator of which (George Bowers) just passed away this month.  Finally, I’ll write about “Three King’s Day,” a tradition I learned about while living in Puerto Rico.

 

In closing, for many of us, the holidays can still bring up losses and changes we’re grieving. Just when we think we’ve moved past things, something comes up to remind us of the hole in our hearts…
I came across this poem that I thought I’d share:

“A Blessing for the Empty Place”

You sit in the empty place that is left, After the death, the arrangements, the service, The cards and calls and emails,
The departure of family,
The thank you’s and acknowledgements.
Left with the emptiness,
The space that can never be filled In quite the same way.
You see a shadow, hear a sound,
Taste a food she used to love,
Start to tell him something about your day, Smell a blanket or pillowcase,
And your eyes and heart are filled with tears.
The first week, the first month, the first birthday, The first holiday, the first anniversary, These bring you to the place of remembering, The place of exquisite, lonely sorrow.
Bless you and your memories.
Bless the tender heart that beats within you. Bless the empty space that can never be filled.
The shadows, the smells, the tastes, the thoughts, Transform their pain into blessings,
Signs that though you live in that desperately empty place, She walks beside you,
He laughs in the shelter of your heart.
That empty place That can never be filled In quite the same way Is filled
With love.

‘TheUnclutteredHeartbeth@bethrichardson.com‘

What are some of your favorite traditions or Christmas memories?
Please use comments to share with us…

Do you have “Hepatitis/AIDS” – scary revelations from a hospital’s patient health survey


For better or worse, I’m blessed that I’m at a point in life where I can be fairly transparent about my story, about my history. This allows me to play a role of educator or connector, when moments present themselves.

Most recently, I’ve received a number of questions from friends wanting to better understand HIV/AIDS. I’ve been living with the HIV+ virus since early 2012, when I was diagnosed following an acute septic reaction to an antibiotic treatment I received at the time, which landed me in the hospital for 2 days. While I’m not a medical professional, I answer when I have the information, seek it from my advisors when I don’t, and do what I can to promote healthier sexual practices and awareness.  I’m far from perfect, but do the best I can each day…

One bit of wise counsel my nurse gave me from the outset is be careful about searching for credible information on the internet.  She gave me one site – thebody.com – which she trusted.  Otherwise, she told me to come to the infectious disease office or my care coordinator (The Damien Center, in my case) with questions.  I’m grateful for her support and wisdom.

In the spirit of education and awareness, I thought I would share this somewhat scary personal experience, in hopes that others may learn from it.

I was going to a new medical office for physical therapy, for a fractured rotator cuff.  This office is part of a local, major hospital network (actually, the same network that owns the infectious disease office where I receive my treatment and support for HIV+).  As with most such offices, they have a “new patient” survey, to gather as much relevant medical history as possible.  I’ve had similar surveys when I sought acupuncture, yoga/massage, and of course, a new GP (general practitioner).

As I completed the form, I came to a question regarding my medical history, asking if I had any history of (and I quote), “Hepatitis/AIDS.”  I looked through the rest of the questions in disbelief – and found no other references to HIV+, and couldn’t understand why they would list Hepatitis on the same line (with a slash!) as AIDS.  Really?

I asked the office receptionist to speak to someone about the survey, as I found the questions to be inaccurate and troublesome.

My PT came out to talk with me.  I explained to him my concern with the question, and that I was HIV+, on medication, and have a viral load that is undetectable.  However, I have had neither Hepatitis nor been diagnosed with full blown AIDS… As such, I found the questions to be alarmingly wrong.  Fortunately, he agreed with me and handled the situation tactfully.

First, as I started to bring up my concerns, he stopped me to ask if I preferred to discuss the survey back in an office (we were still in the waiting room) for more privacy.  Yay for him!  I was ok, since it was a chance for anyone listening to “become educated.”  But, I’m glad he knew enough to ask…  (There are Federal laws which protect what and how questions can be asked regarding one’s HIV/AIDS status.  For more information, refer to this article.)

Second, when I suggested they change their survey as it was clearly wrong, he explained the source of the survey – which probably worried me even more.  For medicare/medicaid reimbursement, they “buy” the online survey to measure outcomes, and to understand any potentially related illnesses / history.  So, a “government agency” or “government backed” company provided the online survey questions – OMG.  (Unfortunately, this meant it wasn’t as easy for them to update…)  All very scary…

Third, he showed his own personal level of knowledge by asking me if I was immunodeficient, further explaining that he was just returning to work from being off with a cold/fever.  Normally, it would be inappropriate for anyone to ask such a question, but he was totally appropriate – showing concern for my overall health.  Basically, it was a tactful way of asking if my CD4 count was “healthy” – or was I at a higher risk of catching other illnesses, like the cold or flu.  (Based on my viral load and CD4 count, I’ll normally say “I have the HIV+ virus, but am on medication, healthy, with an undetectable viral load).

So, shamefully, Hepatitis and AIDS were listed on the same line, as if they were related…and HIV+ (which is different than having AIDS) was not even mentioned.  And this as a hospital/government endorsed patient survey!

At least I did my part and spoke up…brought it to their attention…  That’s all I have control over.  (Serenity prayer in action!)  I hope his management makes changes…

In the spirit of education, I share the following key articles that answer many of the basic questions I get…all from the TheBody.Com, or vetted from other sources and included therein.

  • What is HIV?
  • The stages of the HIV disease (including AIDS)
  • HIV Transmission FAQ
  • Safer Sex Guidelines (note I said safer…not safe.  Read on…)
  • Two key “numbers” we track (as those living with HIV+/AIDS)
    • CD4 Count –  important part of the immune system. CD4 cells are sometimes called T-cells. Everyone has them – it’s a general measure of the state/health of your immune system.  Higher numbers are better.
    • Viral Load – the amount of HIV virus in your blood.  Viral loads are usually reported as copies of HIV in one milliliter of blood.  There are no “magic” numbers for viral loads.  All we know so far is that lower is better and seems to mean a longer, healthier life.  U.S. treatment guidelines (see Fact Sheet 404) suggest that all HIV-positive people be offered treatment. For patients with viral load over 100,000, there is urgency for treatment.  The best viral load test result is “undetectable.” This does not mean that there is no virus in your blood; it just means that there is not enough for the test to find and count. There is no “safe” level of viral load. Although the risk is less, you can pass HIV to another person even if your viral load is undetectable (which is why we use the term “safer sex” as opposed to “safe sex.”  With any STD, it’s all about relative risk! 🙂

Celebrating second chances…this teared me up with joy!


I was recently attending a workshop for asset-based community development (ABCD). I witnessed ABCD in a very personal and powerful way that literally brought tears of joy to my eyes as things unfolded…this stuff really works!  Really!  Read on…

Some context

Back in the Fall of 2010, I attended a workshop sponsored by the Mayor’s Office of Re-Entry, which was under the direction of Maxine Bryant at the time (whom I love and admire for her creative investment in homecomers – my term for ex-offenders).  The Conference provided an opportunity for people with felonies to network and gain knowledge of resources available to us.  Specifically, if our history was creating barriers to employment, the challenge was put to us to consider starting our own business.  And, the Mayor’s Office put their money where their mouth was in very practical ways. (Read more here, starting on page 2 of this newsletter…)

I was fortunate and blessed to make it to the final stage of the challenge, with my proposal and business plan submission.  It has taken shape with time along my recovery journey: I now provide website, videography and social media support for several small businesses/non-profits. I was proud to stand with the five finalists, all of whom had fantastic business ideas…and blessed to be among the three finalists. (That’s me in the blue shirt/orange tie!)

Second Chance Challenge
Second Chance Challenge Finalists (Feb 2011)

Fast forward to the ABCD workshop in November 2014:

The sponsors (The Learning Tree LLC) put out a bid for cooks, which included them “telling their story.” They selected a BBQ & Catering business because of the owner’s personal journey, turning his full-time health disability due to MS (multiple schelorsis) into an opportunity to follow his passion/dream to own his own BBQ business.  As they invited him up to share his story with the 100+ folks attending the workshop, my jaw dropped…and I started to cry proud tears of joy (as I am even now, writing this blog.)  For in front of me was my fellow “Second Chance Challenge” friend, Antron Alexander…proud owner of “Ant’s Grill and Catering.”  (Above, he is standing to my left, in the light grey-blue shirt).

As he finished telling his story (unaware that I was in the audience), I stood up and approached him.  He recognized me, and we gave each other a heartfelt hug – to the bewilderment of those around us.  I then proceeded to tell the “story behind the story” – how Antron also overcame a felony on his record – another barrier to employment and societal acceptance – in starting this venture.  It was overwhelming to see him standing there, in front of everyone, proudly sharing his home cooking with us…what a difference a couple of years makes!

I was humbled and proud of Antron’s accomplishment and progress – not only working with his medical condition, but also creating success from the employment barriers by starting his own business. How many people do I know who are on permanent disability and do little to nothing – existing, or just “getting by?”  At times, I believe that’s the expectation society can create for those on “permanent disability”…that they have nothing left to offer.  Here was a man who went well beyond what society was expecting of him, becoming a contributing member of society.

And, by the way – the BBQ and vegetarian lasagne was AMAZING!

So, if you want a reason to believe in personal victory, in the power of community, in the tangible outcomes of our city and mayor’s office, and the benefit of seeing “assets” over “needs”…remember my friend Antron at Antron’s Grill.

And, if you need a caterer for your next event, please consider sending him a bid.  You can reach him at antsgrill@gmail.com – “as grill as it gets!”

Antron, being introduced by the workshop organizer...
Antron, being introduced by the workshop organizer…
Antron, telling his story...
Antron, telling his story…
Antron, working in the kitchen...
Antron, working in the kitchen…
My personal reunion with Antron
My personal reunion with Antron

Maxine Bryant, at Indy’s Recovery Rally 2010 – Indianapolis, Indiana from CToddCreations