Getting from “Next Door” to “Front Porch”


I live on a quiet stretch of Ruckle St., just north of downtown Indianapolis.  I moved here several years ago by choice to embrace community.  On our short stretch, there are four older homes – plus two houses with driveways/rear entrances from our quiet two blocks.

Our Front Porch
Our Front Porch

This past year, I’ve discovered a great tool for discovering community…our front porch. We’ve met several neighbors walking by. We’ve carved pumpkins with friends on the porch.  And, we’ve occasionally played with flow props or done acrobatics in the empty lots next to our duplex.

Spinning poi in a vacant lot...
Spinning poi in a vacant lot…

With such a small, quiet stretch, we also do a pretty good job of watching our for one another.  If we notice something “out of the ordinary,” we ask questions – pick up the phone and call one another – or knock on the door and check in.  This has included everything from noticing a near flat tire on our neighbor’s car and letting him know before work the next morning, to getting a call from a neighbor when we parked a 24 foot U-Haul on the street while getting ready for a yard sale.  He thought the latter was a little odd, and wanted to make sure someone wasn’t preparing for a break-in or stealing a motorcycle.  It’s little things like that bring a little peace of mind. We’ve also shared or borrowed bike racks, air compressors, hoses and the proverbial “cup of sugar.”

We occasionally use the online app “NextDoor” to communicate a little more broadly with neighbors. We’ve bought and sold gently used furniture online, advertised our yard sale, and learned about crime or safety issues in the neighborhood. While it doesn’t take the place of the front porch, it has been helpful to have around…

Earlier this month, there were a couple posts about individuals checking out cars for unlocked doors — with the occasional “success” on the burglar’s part, finding a items to steal when someone has left them visible in the car, and forgotten to lock their doors.  It’s sad and a bit scary to hear about such events – though “comforting” to know that it happens everywhere — from Carmel, to downtown, to the outer “burbs” of Indianapolis.  Having lived in several large cities, there are certain “rules of common sense” that…make sense.

Having seen a couple of these notices, I took screen shots and shared them with our neighbors – just to keep us all extra aware of our belongings and vehicles.

Next Door Crime & Safety
Next Door Crime & Safety (click image to join)

Late one evening, we started to wind down for the night.  I headed upstairs to brush my teeth, when I heard Brandon yell from the front room, “there’s a guy poking around outside near Bruce’s car.  I’m calling the police..”

The next couple of hours proved to be a little exciting!  Brandon startled the man who was lurking near our landlord’s car next door – he ran off down the street and around into the alley.  Two IMPD cruisers showed up in no time.  They took a description of the suspect, and told us they would stay on alert in the area.  Our landlord joined us in the street with the officers. We exchanged details – and once the police left, I posted an update to Next Door.  We continued getting ready for bed – with a little extra adrenaline to keep us awake!

Before we could get much further into our routine, we heard shouting from several men outside.  We went to the door, only to discover the man in question on our front steps, and two other men yelling at him – and us – from the street. There were accusations of burglary from the men in the street, who were shortly joined by a woman who added to the yelling and screaming.  Clearly, something had “gone down” between the man and his friends – but we really weren’t up for becoming a part of their drama.

Without hesitating, we called back to 911 – and within literally seconds, the two IMPD cruisers reappeared and the officers took charge.  We locked up the evening – setting the alarm – and watch from behind the windows for a bit, while the officers took the man into custody and dealt with whatever situation / back story the other three individuals had to share.  There is a time for being aware, vigilant and neighborly – and a time for letting the police do their job.

But the story doesn’t end there…

How did we get from “Next Door” to the “Front Porch” – for real?!

A couple days later, I was on the front porch enjoying the evening sunset with my two dogs.  I saw a gentleman and two young girls walking down Ruckle, and started to put the dogs inside so they wouldn’t keep barking.  The next thing I know, the man approaches our steps.  “Excuse me sir.  I’m sorry to bother you, but I was down here the other night when the police were here.”

He had my attention…

He introduced himself (I’ll call him T. for short…), and his two daughters.  He went on to explain what had happened the other night, leading up to the other man showing on our front porch, trying to get into our house.  “I came down to apologize for the disturbance. I just wanted to introduce myself, and say I’m very sorry this all played out the way it did.  I’m sure you all must have been pretty frightened when our friend tried to get into your house.”

He added some pieces to the puzzle.  I thanked him for reaching out.

I also told him about some of what happened prior to the small group showing up.  That added some pieces to his puzzle.

We then talked a little about where he lived, about his daughters, about his work.  It was not the conversation I had expected after the night with the police. I made doubly sure to thank him for having the courage and consideration to follow-up and explain what was going on.  I also made a note of his name and address…and want to follow-up with them to have more conversations…probably over a meal (something I’ve learned from my community at Broadway…)

And that is how we got from “Next Door” to “Front Porch.”  Where some, including myself, may have expected the worst – I discovered compassion, courage and community…one conversation at a time.

An explanation and apology…as best I can via the web.


I’m grateful to be “on the other side” of a valley — but as is sometimes the case with my loud mouth and unfiltered comments, I have some damage control to do – “taking ownership for my sh**” as they say.

Or as one Christmas sign says, “Santa, I have some ‘splaining to do…”


 

It’s clear you’re upset about some things Todd, and I’m so sorry..however, you just managed to insult a whole lot of people in one fell swoop


I’ll lead off by saying that none of these words “justify” my actions or behavior over the last month, and in particular the last week.  There is damage that has been done to some relationships, which will possibly linger “under the surface” for quite some time.

For those who know me, and know my battle with addiction and mental illness (depression, mood swings, etc), some of this will be easier to understand. For some who don’t know me or my journey to “get here,” it may not even come close to explaining my actions and behavior. I understand that – I simply ask for as much compassion and tolerance as you’re able to offer.  And I’ll live with the consequences…because that’s part of taking responsibility and owning “my sh**.”


This year, life continues to happen – even with some of the grounding and framing I set out for 2015 in my “brand” and personal intentions for 2.015.

While I don’t want to go through all of what has been going on “behind the scenes” per se, suffice to say that continuing to look for part-time employment and considering a move to North Carolina in 2015 have brought me face-to-face with some of my demons and some of my past (many of which I’ve written about on my blog here before…)

Personal events in 2009 and 2010 have fundamentally changed my path in life, and either closed some doors permanently or is keeping them closed for several more years…  And while none of the information is new, facing the topics and roadblocks again is hard…and sparks off some grieving and a range of feelings from anger, to sadness, to resentment…  And, I sometimes let those flow over into comments and actions that have hurt others (as the quote above says!)

Of course, having our timelines for the move to NC change again (probably not until 2016!) set off another set of reactions and feelings – and grieving…

And, then last week, a friend that I used to run around with in my using days passed away from heart failure at the age of 23.  A couple people in my life knew about this, but not many…so that was working in the background, bringing about its own feelings, grieving, regrets, self-loathing and fear.  So young…

Lastly, an individual who robbed me last year and has been “AWOL” / missing for a year suddenly contacted me because he was “embarrassed” that I had posted about the burglary / house invasion.  That resurfaced some of the pain of that trauma…


 

As I’ve shared before, like most people, I’m trying my best, with good intentions – but am imperfect and will fall short sometimes.  So, if I’ve said or done something recently that hurt you – I’m truly sorry.  I’ve tried to “clean up” some of the damage that was posted to Facebook or the web – and as importantly, focused on personal apologies and conversations where the pain / damage was perhaps greatest.  And, I need to “regroup” and get back to better managing my issues and shit, such that they don’t “come out” in such ugly ways.  It’s a life-long process for me…so I’m doing my best, and try to patient and compassionate with myself (and others!) along the journey.

With some exceptions, I rarely intentionally hurt others – but when I do (intentionally or unintentionally!), where I’m aware, I do endeavor to go back and make amends.  So, if I’ve hurt you and we still need to clear the air, even after this post, please let me know.  Of course, as I aspire to as much as I can (and will still fail!), please express your unmet needs and valid feelings in an objective manner that allows me to hear and receive your feedback. Silence is by far the worst of all choices. Passive-aggressive behavior I can work through; silence robs us both of a growth experience and an ability to connect.

Perfectly imperfect,

Todd

 

 

 

My heartfelt and heartbroken, confused dedication to John.


What a difference a year makes. Life has given me a chance to create new memories of leaving town, celebrating my birthday, and returning home. I was blessed to be able to do this surrounded by love, light, authenticity at Playthink 2015 with my fiancé Brandon, several hundred kindred flow artists in a sacred and holy place and space in Berea, Kentucky. I returned home to an intact house, well maintained by a trusted friend Jonathan who took care of our home and our dogs as one would like and expect, unlike John Bodine and Drupy a year ago. Thank you for this gift, Brandon and friends.

At morning welcome circle yesterday, I shared with the circle it was my birthday. They sang Happy birthday to me and invited me to the center of the circle. I shared with them briefly of my experience just a year before, returning from a family cruise and birthday celebration to a destroyed house, stolen credit cards and stolen jewelry which has never been recovered and was not covered by renter’s insurance. I shared how important it was to be able to recreate new experiences and memories from the weekend and the return home, and Spirit and Place honored my request. The group gave me a group hug and the rest of the day, I was greeted with more love and loving greetings than a single person should be allowed on his birthday…and for that I was grateful. Thank you.

Returning home and re-entering routine life is always a transition that takes its toll on my emotions. I still would never give up the experience of travel. The goal is simply to minimize the collateral damage… I’m sorry for hurting someone already with my emotionally charged words, but I know you know this came from my own pain, disappointment and hurt. I’m sorry I was selfishly wrapped up in my own emotionally high to have missed your request for peace and quiet. Life happens, and we continue to love and forgive as we do.

You complete me. Thank you for my geode, and for being my rock, my circle of life, my rainbow.

ctfuqua's avatarThe Magical Storybook of Professor Peacock

Whenever I play this song, which I heard Cher sing in concert, I think of you. Sometimes there is still anger, and often there is confusion and always lack of closure. And I still sometimes get sad… But these are the words meant for you, from me…from my heart.

I still care for you and wish you the best. I hope you find what you’re looking for…

For John Andrew Bodine

These clouds aren’t going nowhere darling,
Rain keeps coming down.
I just thought I’d try to call you,
‘fore you got too far outta town.

And I hope that you get this message that I’m leaving for you.
‘Cause I hate that you left without hearing the words that I needed you to…

I hope you find it, what you’re looking for.
I hope it’s everything you dreamed your life could be and so much more…
And I hope…

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