Category: Recovery

an iWalk down memory lane…discoveries I’ve made about 42


I’ve been recently needing to go through all of my iPhone contacts. It’s just like going through an old-fashioned address book

(remember those? does anyone have one of those anymore, or have we all gone to an iBook of addresses… Electronic bits and bytes that come together to convey stories and trigger distant memories…)

It’s like walking down memory lane, with all of your friends, acquaintances or family crossing your path along the way. 

Seeing most names brings back a lot great memories with family and friends. 

It can also be a bit like that end of year tradition where the news media walk through all of those who passed on during the year prior. I catch myself thinking about someone, and then remembering that she is no longer with us. He watches from the stars above, joining my grandparents, my mom, my friends Scott, Phil and others unnamed. 

As they say, these are the saints of our families who have gone on before us…

Pausing to reflect a little on my iWalk down memory lane, I’m reminded of a saying a friend taught me in my recent past.

“People are in our lives for a reason, a season or a lifetime.”

This really makes it a little easier for me to stay in the moment with relationships – loving what they are bringing to my life at that moment… not worrying about what our history could or should have been… nor assuming this moment implies or doesn’t imply something for the future…

This perspective on life also helps me grieve through the ending of any relationships or acquaintances, accepting that each connection has its own unique mission, its own life expectancy. The importance of each connection is not dependent on its length, frequency or intensity. 

Each has value; 

they all have purpose.  

I cherish them all…
Thank you for listening…

 

And then, someone asked about the meaning of 42…

…exactly!

 

 

What should anger be telling me?


I have a temper. 

I can sometimes overreact to a situation. 

I grew up in a household and an extended family where tempers flew, usually dispropotiatrly to the situation. 

Apple, tree…

I used to ignore, suppress, otherwise dismiss this scary emotion because of my experiences growing up.  Being in a right wing fundamentalist Christian cult during college only served to underscore the belief that feelings are not facts – that we should “un-feel” and not give in to irrational feelings.  Being in twelve step groups early in recovery emphasized the same point, that feelings are not facts. 

With enough therapy, I can now call bullshit. Feelings are the looking glass, the mirror, the magnifying glass into how are needs are either being met or not met.  We may not have to act on them like we want to. I may not have to overreact and act out from the rage and anger that boils up inside of me. But, that feeling is my best chance at figuring out what’s going on. Only from that insight can I make different choices, resolve the unmet needs, and find healing. 

Without that step, the pattern of losing my temper, lashing out and overreacting will likely repeat itself time and time again. 

My next post will show how this has helped me figure out what’s really going on.  But first, I had to face my demon – my rage – my fear – my feelings. 
Thank you Chris C, Mike M and others who helped me face my rage. 

Remembering our saints…Graham Karwath


At Broadway UMC, we celebrate All Saint’s Day (November 1) by remembering friends and family who died during the prior year. We have a collection of candles and candelabras at the front of the sanctuary that members light in memory of someone.  It’s a beautiful way to keep their stories alive – to keep their memories with us. In doing so, they continue to be a part of our lives.  For me, it also brings to a close that first year of mourning.  While the loss and hole in our hearts never fully heal, I’m finding it’s a lot easier to move on after the “year of firsts.”

Lighting candles on All Saint's Day
Lighting candles on All Saint’s Day
All Saint's Day at Broadway UMC
All Saint’s Day at Broadway UMC

 

Two years ago, we included my mom and grandmother in our All Saint’s Day celebration. This year, we remembered by friend Graham Karwath.

Remember Our Saints: Graham Karwath
Remember Our Saints: Graham Karwath

 

Graham was a loyal friend – to me and many others in his life.  He always “had my back,” and helped me through some tough times by listening, caring and telling my story. In turn, the trust we built over the years allowed him to open up about some of the life struggles he faced.

Graham was full of life. He loved music, loved to dance and loved to goof off. He was a hard worker, which was recognized by his co-workers and boss. He was always willing to take an extra shift or work late to help out the team. He was confident, but vulnerable; strong, but like many of us, hurt; full of joy, but knew his time here was limited. Despite his fatal heart condition, he didn’t dwell on his health but chose instead to live in the moment and enjoy life to the fullest.

Another part of our All Saint’s Day service is to list those we remember in the bulletin. The choir then takes those names and weaves them into a hymn of celebration and remembrance. Here is an audio clip of this year’s song.  You’re not forgotten, Graham… (Graham is mentioned at 1:25 in this song of prayer)

https://soundcloud.com/ctoddcreations/all-saints-day-2015-for-graham-karwat

(I previously wrote a short version of this post on SoundCloud, but recently realized I hadn’t finished my thoughts…so here is the updated version via by blog…)