Category: General

What should anger be telling me?


I have a temper. 

I can sometimes overreact to a situation. 

I grew up in a household and an extended family where tempers flew, usually dispropotiatrly to the situation. 

Apple, tree…

I used to ignore, suppress, otherwise dismiss this scary emotion because of my experiences growing up.  Being in a right wing fundamentalist Christian cult during college only served to underscore the belief that feelings are not facts – that we should “un-feel” and not give in to irrational feelings.  Being in twelve step groups early in recovery emphasized the same point, that feelings are not facts. 

With enough therapy, I can now call bullshit. Feelings are the looking glass, the mirror, the magnifying glass into how are needs are either being met or not met.  We may not have to act on them like we want to. I may not have to overreact and act out from the rage and anger that boils up inside of me. But, that feeling is my best chance at figuring out what’s going on. Only from that insight can I make different choices, resolve the unmet needs, and find healing. 

Without that step, the pattern of losing my temper, lashing out and overreacting will likely repeat itself time and time again. 

My next post will show how this has helped me figure out what’s really going on.  But first, I had to face my demon – my rage – my fear – my feelings. 
Thank you Chris C, Mike M and others who helped me face my rage. 

Shame on Facebook for making pornography widely accessible and for making money off it 


Dear Facebook

I posted this to my feed to expose your inappropriate and unprofessional conduct. Shame on Facebook for making a profit off of pornography and for making it more generally available to a larger population without appropriate safeguards. 

A lightbulb just went on. Couldn’t figure out why all these men are popping up on Facebook as porn stars / lewd content. 1. Facebook added feature where you can send money to other users. 2. Facebook added live video feeds.  

So in the name of money and power, Facebook has become a porn site. Great. What do parents think of this?! Did you realize? 

I reported three of these porn stars to Facebook. All they do is block them from my feed so they don’t actually remove the porn star from face book for inappropriate contact using their own guidelines (nudity, suggestive sexual content, etc) 

“Nobody ever does that anymore…” Oh yes they do…


…and that’s why it’s important to keep telling the story!

Yesterday, something happened to me that reminded me of a neighbor’s story I had wanted to blog about…but never did. So, here I am telling both our stories.

Driving home yesterday, we found a wallet in the middle of our street.  It had a VISA card (unsigned!), card with their checking routing and account number listed, $125 in cash and several other store “customer cards.”  Using the man’s driver’s license and a bank teller card, we tracked the guy down through his local bank branch.  When we returned the wallet, he was thankful — and said something to the effect of, “Nobody these days would ever return a wallet – so thank you.”

Oh yes they do…and I can “raise you one.”

Our neighbor B. recently lost an envelope full of cash – about $200.  He was buying materials at Lowe’s, and set the envelope down while he was collecting his purchases.  (He had a valid reason for having cash in an envelope – I forget the details, but that’s not relevant.)

B. called around to each place he stopped along the way to see if anyone had found it.  He got a phone call from a man later that day, letting him know the envelope was safe.  B. arranged to pick the envelope from the man and his wife. B. was so excited to have found it – thinking there was no way anyone would ever return an envelope full of cash – that he planned on giving the man a reward for his actions.  He figured 20%, so was going to give the man $40 as a sign of gratitude.

When B. got to the man’s house, they exchanged pleasantries and laughed about the situation.  The man gave him the envelope – and told B. there was a little something in there for him.  This of course had B. intrigued – so he checked the envelope.  There was $240 in the envelope.  The man and his wife not only wanted to return the lost cash – but wanted to “go above and beyond” and pay it forward…literally.  So, they added $40 of their own to Bruce’s envelope.

B. was blown away. Here he was going to show his appreciation, and instead was met with generosity and hospitality.  When B. tried to return the cash, explaining that he was actually going to give a $40 reward, the man and his wife said “no, we want you to have this.  If you get a chance somewhere down the road, pay it forward and return the favor to someone else sometime.”

As I’m writing this story, I realize I could have slipped an extra $25 in the found wallet to be a part of B’s “paying it forward” network.  But, there’s always next time…

So next time you hear bad news in the media, or hear someone talking down on people “these days” as having no morals, ethics, or sense of community…tell B’s story and pay it forward…